Piss on Me, But Not on My Kinks

I’ve done some “forced” feminization play before.  And while I found it hot, it’s something that only a handful of people in the local scene know I sometimes engage in.  I’d like to be more open about it, but people seem to have a lot of misconceptions about it.  They make assumptions that just aren’t true.  I find that incredibly ironic considering that the bdsm community is a group of nonconformists, people who tend to break away from all the typical ways and standard assumptions.  Narrow thinking annoys me.  So do people who dress up their dogs in little costumes, but that’s a different post altogether.

One problem is that some think forced fem play is degrading to women.  They say that if femininity is humiliating, then that’s a way of seeing women as being lower than men.  I understand that way of thinking.  And I agree.  The thing they don’t get is that the appeal isn’t in femininity being humiliating.  Because really, femininity itself is not humiliating.  Femininity is beautiful.  The humiliating aspect is that, for the most part, I don’t identify as effeminate.  So being made to emulate something I’m not can be humiliating.

If I did identify as feminine, it’d simply be part of who I am, and it would have no humiliating effect.

Another problem is that people tend to look down on those who practice forced fem.  Even if the sub is stereotypically über-masculine 99% of the time, if people see him doing this type of play, their attitudes change.  Not all react that way, of course, but quite a few do.  Some will say that they’re okay with people doing it, yet they begin to treat differently those who are into it.

Part of that condescension may have to do with stereotypes.  Only a small percentage of Muslims are terrorists.  Only a small percentage of blacks are thugs.  But those few on the extreme end get the press, so people start to believe that the majority are like that.  Same with forced fem.  There are some pushy, top-from-the-bottom do-me queens out there who are often one-trick ponies.  And often, that one trick is fem play.  People have bad experiences with them, and they tend to equate forced fem (and anyone who does it) with these socially inept wankers.

One last reason I don’t do any fem play in public has nothing to do with others’ perceptions or ideas.  When I do any kind of humiliation play, it feels like anyone who is watching is also taking part in the scene, taking part in my humiliation.  So I’m essentially playing with everyone there.  While humiliation in front of a group is more powerful than one-on-one, it also presents a problem.  I don’t play with everybody.  I need to be attracted to whoever I’m playing with.  (It’s really not such an odd idea-  would you have sex with people you weren’t attracted to?)  If there is a group of people watching my humiliation in a scene, the only way I’d be able to get into it is if I were attracted to all of them.  A scenario like that most likely isn’t going to happen.

Forced feminization can be tasty.  It’s humiliating, it’s fun, it’s sexy.  Being made to do this, to do something I won’t do on my own, brings to the forefront the power exchange between two people.  But stereotyping and presumptuous thinking present major hurdles for anyone who practices this type of play.  Even within a community of open-minded kinksters.  I do my part to correct any misconceptions out there, but sometimes that’s not enough.

Begging

Begging can be divisive.  Of the dominant women I’ve talked with about this, most either love it or hate it.  To some, it comes across as selfish or whiny.  Others get wet just thinking about it.

I’m sure that a lot of that depends on experience.  If a dom has a series of relationships with people who really are whiny and petty, that can tilt her opinion of begging toward the negative.

I’ve always been reluctant to try it, simply because I just don’t know what to say.  I don’t know what good begging is, or how to keep it from sounding whiny.  The few times I tried a little, I definitely felt like I was whining.  When I watch scenes, begging isn’t a part of them, so I have no examples to go on.  What differentiates whiny, annoying attempts from genuine, jeans-moistening begging?

Currently this problem isn’t at the forefront for me, since I’m single.  And when I play with friends, there’s no begging involved; it’s usually more physical types of play.  Begging has always felt awkward to me, but I’d like to be able to do it just in case I end up with someone who enjoys it.

Proudly Partaking in Pervy Public Play

I’ve been involved in the local bdsm community for four years now.  It took probably half that to work up the nerve to play at parties.  For subs, it can be tough because we’re making ourselves vulnerable for others to see, exposing that soft underbelly.  For those on the dominant side of things, there can be a feeling of being judged or critiqued, sort of a performance anxiety.  So it took a while to be able to do this.

Public play isn’t without its disadvantages.  (When I say public, I mean not only dungeons and other bdsm events, but also private parties.)  Most places have restrictions on what type of play is allowed.  Usually, watersports and blood play are verboten.  Some don’t allow fire play or penetration of any kind, including strap-on play.  Edgier scenes don’t happen nearly as often in public as they do in private.  Plus, there is sometimes a time limit imposed for use of the equipment, so you have to limit your scene.  At some events, you have to wait to get on any piece of equipment at all, or stake out a certain piece for an hour or two in order to secure a spot.

The people watching can add a certain exhibitionist thrill for some people, but at the same time, there’s often a feeling of having to hold back or not fully be oneself while being watched.  In private, there’s no need to worry about perceptions or extra sets of eyes.  With private play, you also don’t have to clean up right away.  It can wait until later, or even the next day.  But in public, you have to immediately wipe down the equipment and clear your toys out to make room for the next scene.

When doing humiliation play in public, I feel like the people watching are also taking part in the humiliation.  They’re all topping me, in a sense.  And that doesn’t work for me.  It feels invasive, and not in a good way.  So I generally don’t do humiliation play in public.

But public play has helped me become more confident.  Being nekkid an vulnerable in front of lots of people was horribly difficult at first.  Over time, it got easier.  While I still prefer private play over public, I’ve got no problem with public play now. That sense of self-assurance can even come in handy in the ‘nilla world; in a tough situation, I can think, “I’ve been naked and helpless in front of 150 people.  I can do this too.”

Often public play is the only choice if you’ve just met someone; it’s not a good idea to go somewhere private and put your life in someone’s hands when you’ve only known that person for half an hour.  When you’re at a party, you’re not so much trusting that one person as you are trusting everyone else there.  You know your friends won’t let anything happen to you.

Playing at parties or other events can also serve as a bonding experience with your friends who are watching.  I’m not sure exactly how it happens, but it seems to bring people closer.  You watch them play, they watch you play, and it fosters a sense of camaraderie.

There’s another type of public play that I’m a little more leery of, but still curious about………mild humiliation in the ‘nilla world.  I don’t advocate pushing our kinks on the nonconsenting public, nor do I want to perpetuate the stereotypes of “those s&m freaks”.  At the same time, I think it’d be incredibly sexy to, for example, be made to kneel and kiss the feet of the domme in a somewhat public place.  Not one that’s crowded with people, and not one where there are likely to be any kids or people I know.  Something a sidewalk after a weeknight munch, when most kids should be in bed.  The idea has a thrilling, edgy feel to it, and it’s something I’d like to explore.

I’m not into blog-posting

Forced bi confuses me.

So do kidney beans, but that’s another post entirely.

One of my main issues with forced bi is that it implies that homosexuality is humiliating or degrading.  That’s insulting to a lot of people.  If homosexuality is degrading, it also brings with it the implication that hetero people are somehow above or better than gays/lesbians/bi.

I’ve got mixed feelings on the “forced” part.  In consensual bdsm, nothing is truly forced.  Unless we’re talking about consensual nonconsensual play, which is a different story altogether.  But I understand the appeal of the use of force, of that feeling of helplessness.  The use of force is sexy.  It makes people turn all jellylike.  So I don’t take much issue with them employing the word “forced”.  I know what they mean.

What really baffles me is the number of guys who seek out this type of play, then pretend they don’t want to do it.  They post about how they’d just love to be made to suck a big cock and swallow his cum, and they go into graphic detail about these well-thought-out fantasies.  They even post personal ads seeking experiences like this.  They make a real effort chasing bisexual encounters.  But they claim they’re not bi.  They want to be sexual with members of their own gender, and they seek it out, but they’re not bi.  If you find it hot and you want to do it, why not just admit that you want it?  Saying they don’t want it, yet going after it at the same time, is no different than going to a party seeking to get caned while claiming you’re vanilla and not into pain.

Personally, I don’t go down on anyone I’m not attracted to, regardless of gender.  Forced bi, with me, is no different than trying to get me to go down on a woman I don’t find attractive.  Either way, it’s not going to happen.  I don’t care about the gender; what I care about is the level of attraction.  I haven’t yet met a man I’m attracted to.  You can’t force attraction.

So why don’t you see these people posting about how they want to be forced to go down on a woman with green teeth, hairy moles, and severe body odor?  If they really want to be forced to go down on someone they claim they aren’t attracted to, this should satisfy them just as much.

I’ve never met anyone in person who takes the “I’m straight but I want to suck cock” approach which is so popular online.  Locally, people who seek bi-sex are honest about being bi.  They don’t try to say that they’re not really bi.  But there are a lot of people out there who just haven’t come to terms with their feelings and desires, and so they lie to themselves and others.  That’s not to say it’s easy to come to terms with one’s desires; lots of people struggle with that, whether it’s bdsm, sexual orientation, or whatever.  It’s not always easy to admit your desires to others or to yourself.  There’s the whole “it’s wrong, and there’s something wrong with me for wanting this” mindset that creeps in.  When that mindset does creep in, we either give in to it and suppress our feelings, or we beat it with a stick until it goes and bothers someone else.

sexy slime slurping

My last relationship was the first in which I was made to eat my cum.  Not every time, since that would be too predictable, but probably about half the time.  It was enough to really make me wonder as I approached the edge of orgasm; was she going to make me lick up all of the slimy mess, or just hand me a couple paper towels?  I’d much prefer to just wipe it off, but sometimes I wasn’t given that option.

Being made to eat my cum isn’t something I ever thought I’d find erotic.  It’s actually pretty disgusting.  But that’s part of the appeal.  Being forced to do something disgusting can have an erotic quality to it.  It doesn’t taste all that great (though the taste can vary with diet) and the texture is just plain slimy.  Eew.  Feeling it slither down my throat sometimes makes me shudder a little.  Yet when I’m made to eat it, there’s a certain arousing quality, in spite of the yuck factor.  This is one of those things that has a contradictory yes/no quality to it; it turns me on, but at the same time, I really want it to stop.

What heightens this even more is that most guys experience a “drop” after cumming.  This doesn’t happen with tantric/nonejaculatory orgasms though.  This drop makes it much harder to lick it up. Approaching orgasm, I think, “If she makes me lick it up, that’ll be pretty hot.”  But after actually having the orgasm, it’s more of a, “Please, no, don’t make me do this, it’s gross.”

This displeasurable aspect heightens the sense of d/s between us as well.  It’s not something I want to do, but she’s making me do it anyway.  I feel smaller in a way, like she’s twenty feet tall.  I feel powerless and at her mercy.

As always, variety adds another dimension to this type of play.  There are so many ways to incorporate cum-eating into the scene- licking it straight out of her hand, sucking it off of her strap-on, licking it off her soles, cumming on her sock which is then used as a gag, slurping it off of her asshole, cumming in a glass of her piss before being made to drink it………the possibilities are endless.

Do you have any favorite methods that I didn’t mention here?  Or thoughts on cum-eating?  Let’s hear them!

I confuse me

Lots of types of play have sort of a dual nature for me. I genuinely want it to stop, but at the same time, it turns me on. This goes for lots of things- impact, biting, being made to drink her piss, teasing and denial, being repeatedly kicked in the balls, erotic humiliation, licking the sweat from her feet, etc. These things make my brain scream “YES!” and “NO!” at the same time.

Let’s use the piss example. It tastes bad, it smells bad, and, well, it’s piss. It’s not a pleasurable thing to ingest. Yet at the same time, it makes the general stand at attention.

Other things, like impact, don’t get me hard, but they still turn me on.

Another aspect of the appeal is seeing that sadistic smile or hearing the domme’s laughter during these yes/no moments. It lets me know she’s enjoying making me suffer, that she’s taking something from my pain, humiliation, or whatever else she’s making me feel.

This “ow stop mmmmm yuck wheeeee fuckpleasestop harder owowowowowstoprightnow moreplease ” contradiction plays out in my head every time I play with someone. But the overall effect must be positive since I keep coming back for more.