I’m a horse…

…and I never knew it.  At least that’s what some people tell me.  They want me to be part of some “stable” of subs.  Invariably, I laugh and refuse to have any part of it.

Whether it’s romantic, sexual, emotional, or play, one-sided poly is not going to happen.  Period.  I’m not going to be faithful to someone who isn’t willing to give me the same.  Either it’s monogamy or poly; I’ve done both.  But if someone I’m with is going to try to hold herself to a different standard than she holds me to, we’re going to have problems.  If you want monogamy, we can do that.  If you want poly, then I’m going to have other partners as well.

Too often, the people espousing this lopsided arrangement want the benefits of poly without the responsibilities.  They want multiple partners, yet they can’t handle the jealousy they feel when their partners have someone else.  If you can’t handle it, don’t do it.  It’s called personal responsibility.  Try it sometime.

Some say, “You can only serve one person” or, “You can only have one domme.”  Why is that?  No one has ever been able to answer that question.  It’s very possible for some people to juggle multiple relationships.  If they’re talking about the emotional connection, it runs both ways.  Unless we’re talking about some online domme with an army of part-time wankers.  That’s more of a casual arrangement with guys who don’t want anything that takes up any real part of their lives.  Log in, role-play for a while, then get back to your life for a week or so.  That may work for some people, but for an in-the-flesh relationship, there are bound to be problems with this arrangement if any of the subs have a sense of self-worth.  The only exception I can think of is if both people have a cuckolding fetish.  Even then, it’d still be important to be on the same page as far as emotions, intimacy, and sex.

Why should I sit on a shelf and collect dust?  Why should I wait, unsatisfied, while the one I care about is getting her ya-ya’s out with someone else?  I deserve better than that.  Of course, that means I’m not a Real True Slave®.  I never claimed to be.

The whole “poly for dommes only” idea is a joke.

I’m not into blog-posting

Forced bi confuses me.

So do kidney beans, but that’s another post entirely.

One of my main issues with forced bi is that it implies that homosexuality is humiliating or degrading.  That’s insulting to a lot of people.  If homosexuality is degrading, it also brings with it the implication that hetero people are somehow above or better than gays/lesbians/bi.

I’ve got mixed feelings on the “forced” part.  In consensual bdsm, nothing is truly forced.  Unless we’re talking about consensual nonconsensual play, which is a different story altogether.  But I understand the appeal of the use of force, of that feeling of helplessness.  The use of force is sexy.  It makes people turn all jellylike.  So I don’t take much issue with them employing the word “forced”.  I know what they mean.

What really baffles me is the number of guys who seek out this type of play, then pretend they don’t want to do it.  They post about how they’d just love to be made to suck a big cock and swallow his cum, and they go into graphic detail about these well-thought-out fantasies.  They even post personal ads seeking experiences like this.  They make a real effort chasing bisexual encounters.  But they claim they’re not bi.  They want to be sexual with members of their own gender, and they seek it out, but they’re not bi.  If you find it hot and you want to do it, why not just admit that you want it?  Saying they don’t want it, yet going after it at the same time, is no different than going to a party seeking to get caned while claiming you’re vanilla and not into pain.

Personally, I don’t go down on anyone I’m not attracted to, regardless of gender.  Forced bi, with me, is no different than trying to get me to go down on a woman I don’t find attractive.  Either way, it’s not going to happen.  I don’t care about the gender; what I care about is the level of attraction.  I haven’t yet met a man I’m attracted to.  You can’t force attraction.

So why don’t you see these people posting about how they want to be forced to go down on a woman with green teeth, hairy moles, and severe body odor?  If they really want to be forced to go down on someone they claim they aren’t attracted to, this should satisfy them just as much.

I’ve never met anyone in person who takes the “I’m straight but I want to suck cock” approach which is so popular online.  Locally, people who seek bi-sex are honest about being bi.  They don’t try to say that they’re not really bi.  But there are a lot of people out there who just haven’t come to terms with their feelings and desires, and so they lie to themselves and others.  That’s not to say it’s easy to come to terms with one’s desires; lots of people struggle with that, whether it’s bdsm, sexual orientation, or whatever.  It’s not always easy to admit your desires to others or to yourself.  There’s the whole “it’s wrong, and there’s something wrong with me for wanting this” mindset that creeps in.  When that mindset does creep in, we either give in to it and suppress our feelings, or we beat it with a stick until it goes and bothers someone else.

the pitfalls of one-handed typing

Countless people online write outlandish fantasies and try to pass them off as reality.  Usually they make me laugh, not only because of the first-grade grammar and spelling, but mainly because they actually expect people to believe them.  Usually what they post reads something like this:

my wife enslaved me locked my cock up permanintly in chastty tube and welded the lock shut i havent cum in 5 years and now i do all the houswork and i signed a contract to give her all my money and possessissions and she gives me chores and she goes out oon dates with her lovers and she comes home and i eat their slimy cum out of her pussy and she brings home her friends who are all cheerleeders and they dress me up in lingeries and sisy maid uinform and they all laugh at me and there boyfriends are their too and they laugh at me and i serve them drinks and they make me suk there big cocks and eat all the cum and cum on myu face and they videotappe it and put it online and then old ladies watch it online and laugh at me while I sukc theyre boyfriends cocks wearing maid otufit and there bofriends laugh because my cock is small and i cant cum because my wife locked my cock up permanently and i havent cum in 11 years and i sleep in a little cage in the basement evry night and she goes out with big black studs with big cocks and she make me her toilet i have to drink all her pis she saves it all in a bucket and she saves all her friends piss too and make me drink it all every day and i have too eat her shit she make me swalow it all its my place as a inferior male and she takes me to the secret femdom society where all woman are domes and all men are slavs and worhsip the superioior woman there and she doesnt let me cum i havnt cum in 14 years

What I don’t understand is why they feel compelled to try to convince others that this is reality.  Why not just call it fiction and leave it at that?

Another puzzler is the fact that these same people are usually the same ones who give extreme advice to real people who have real problems.  Usually they say something about the advice-seeker not being submissive enough, that they should do all the housework and never disagree, and that they should be in a state of permanent chastity.  Yeah, brilliant thinking there, suppository-breath.  I’m sure that advice will really help.

Do they actually expect people to believe this?  What would compel someone to post such obvious fiction while trying to frame it up as reality?  If you want to write femdom fiction, go for it.  But don’t try to insult our intelligence by telling us it’s all real.  And how about using spell-check?  Maybe take an introductory grammar course too.  But of course, you’ll have to wait until you’re done having your flesh whipped to shreds by the Secret Femdom Society™.

another reason I don’t watch reality shows

You may have seen the previews or heard people talking online about a new reality show called “when women rule the world”. The basic premise is that the women have absolute rule on this island.

Predictably,  parts of the femdom crowd online are glorifying this show as a model of the way things should be.  “Women in total control!  Gynarchy is the natural order of things!  A utopia!”  Um………yeah.  About that.  It’s a total train wreck.  The women abuse their power and fight among themselves.  So how exactly is a bunch of women sitting on their asses and barking orders at men a utopia?  That’s called laziness.  Unfortunately, some people don’t realize that there’s a difference between dominance and laziness.  Doing manual labor for some whiny, greedy assbag is not what femdom is about.

Yet people online continue to insist that this is what femdom is in reality- chores, no fulfillment, nothing erotic, nothing enjoyable, just bland housework and pointless protocol.  But the fact that the “it’s all about service” crowd are taking the sexy out of femdom is a rant for another day.

While I’m not a big fan of reality shows in general, I know that abuse of power is a common theme in this genre.  It creates drama, and drama leads to ratings.

What baffles me is the silence from the usually vocal feminists.  (I consider myself more egalitarian than feminist; I’m for equality, not advancement of one gender.)  If this were the other way around, with men taking advantage of women, they’d be protesting and boycotting because of the sexist premise.  But when the premise is the same, only with the genders reversed, it’s no longer sexist?  So much for any semblance of fighting for equality. Can you say “hypocrisy”, kids?  Very good!

Another reason I don’t understand their silence is because of the implied message the producers of this show are putting out there.  “When women rule the world”, things fall apart and get ugly.  There is abuse of power and people treating each other horribly.  I’m not sure if this implication is intended or not, but it’s there.  It’s a way of saying that many women are incompetent in positions of authority.  In spite of what they’re saying about women as leaders, I’m still hearing nothing but crickets from the self-proclaimed feminists.

This show is drenched in double standards and sexism (against women as well as men) so it’s no surprise that I’ll be skipping it.

I have to wonder though- If they’d used other division lines, like race or religion, would the show have worked?  I doubt it.  Just too taboo.  It’d escalate to violence, and the producers would be accused of inciting hatred.  But somehow it’s okay to do this with gender?  Why are men the only group that it’s safe to use as punching bags?

“lifestyle” vs. “just playing games”

Why are there so many (both online and in person) who are always whining about people who are “just playing games”?  While my interest is bdsm is much more than casual games, hearing or reading this still pisses me off.  I’d have no problem with it if they wouldn’t look down on everyone else.  It’s an elitist attitude, and it flies in the face of all the open-mindedness and tolerance that is preached (often by the same people.)

So what if someone isn’t as into it as you are?  How does that make that person any less than you?  People who “play mere games” have just as much of a right to bdsm as anyone else.  None of us have an exclusive claim on bdsm or any aspect of it.

Just because we choose to spend our time in different ways or take a different approach to a relationship, how does that make you any better than someone else?  Now re-read that last question in the light of bdsm vs. ‘nilla relationships.  Can you taste the hypocrisy?  A lot of people who want their own style of sexuality or relationships to be accepted are looking down on others’ style.

My personal flavor of bdsm extends outside the bedroom.  But I’m not obsessed with bdsm as some are.  So I lie in the middle of the two extremes.  It’s definitely more than a game, but it’s not the totality of who I am either.  I don’t spend every waking minute trying to “serve”.  On the other hand, my submission doesn’t end when I orgasm, and that constant hum of bdsm is usually constantly running in the background of my relationships.  And bdsm does affect my decision-making in certain areas.  I consider myself a bdsm moderate.  The way I experience bdsm is both a lifestyle and a game.  It’s fun.  It’s sexy.  And it doesn’t have to be an occasional bedroom-only thing.  It’s an integral part of the relationship, though not the singular defining characteristic of the relationship.

Much of the time, I think people who look down on casual bdsmers are jealous of those who actually enjoy bdsm and have fun with it.  And so they play this little game of one-upmanship in order to feel better about themselves.

What really cracks me up is that online, most of the people who preach a “femdom lifestyle” and look down from their lofty towers are often the ones who don’t have any actual experience with bdsm.  They sit at the computer and role-play in chat, and go on and on about their total devotion to someone they’ve never met.  I think if people like that ever met a domme in the flesh, they’d wet themselves and run.

my cock is the center of the solar system

I’ve run into a few people recently who’ve complained that cbt is phallocentric.  My immediate response is typically “Well yeah!”  I mean, it’s a cock and balls. It can’t be anything other than that.  Impact play on the ass is ass-centric.  Foot play is foot-centric.  Nipple play is nipple-centric.  Every type of play involving a specific body part can be seen as whatever-centric.

But my next thought is that I don’t hear these same people complaining that breast bondage is tit-centric or that pussy torture is vagocentric.  Where are all their complaints with those types of play?

Let me explain something.  There are these people called “sadists”.  These sadists get enjoyment from causing pain.  Pretty simple, right?  Kicking someone in the balls, slapping his cock around, or squeezing his juevos are all painful.  Some sadists get off on doing this.  They enjoy it.  It’s not a case of the sub putting a gun to someone’s head and forcing her to torment his goodies.

To me, their vague complaints reek of the whole “men aren’t supposed to enjoy bdsm” attitude.  It’s perfectly fine for female masochists to get off on receiving pain, but not men.  Riiiiight.

I think the people who object to cbt as being phallocentric have deeper issues beyond some perceived phallic conspiracy.  It’s not a hard concept; some people find that kind of pain erotic.  It’s not a power trip.  It’s just hot.

my rant on personal ads, pt. 2

I don’t go to sites that are centered around bdsm personal ads.  But lots of sites/forums/discussion groups have a section for ads.  And they invariably piss me off.*

First, the dommes.  Many of them are actually pros looking for clients, and they use the personal ads to make it look like they’re seeking a non-pro relationship.  Off the clock.  Dig a little deeper, and you find out the truth.  While I have nothing against pros in general, I do have a problem with deliberate deception.

Of the non-pros posting ads, the majority are either looking for online-only situations, or they’re looking for someone to take care of their housework and attempting to pass it off as bdsm.  Oh, yes, I’d love to come do your housework and experience a loveless, unfulfilling “relationship” as one of many spineless little puppets in your collection.

Then there are the subs.  So many of them throw themselves at any dominant woman out there.  They assume that just because she’s dominant, that automatically means they’re a great match for each other, as if that were the only criterion for a successful relationship.  They claim they’ll bend themselves to whatever she wants.  What woman wants a formless piece of, er, clay to mold, someone who has no personality, interests, or identity?  And why don’t they realize that it devalues what they give when they’re willing to give it away to just anyone?

Others just post an ad with minimal information, and their profiles usually aren’t filled out.  They just say that they’re submissive, and occasionally they’ll mention the state or country they live in.  That’s it.  No other information for the reader to grab onto, nothing to pique the reader’s interest.  I bet the dommes are just beating down the door trying to get to these guys.  Why would anyone waste the time responding to an ad if it’s essentially blank?

And how about using spell-check?  It comes free with most (if not all) internet browsers.  I don’t know of anyone who is looking for a partner who comes across as an uneducated shlub.

Oh, and people?  “Dominate” is a verb!  It’s not an adjective!

This is why I’m looking for someone mostly in the local scene rather than online.  It seems near impossible to find someone compatible online.  I know it happens, but I think the chances are better looking locally.  Even though the bdsm community around here is 90% male-dominant/female-submissive.  But that’s a topic for another day.

*I should add the disclaimer that not all online ads are like this, some are well-written and genuine, etc.

my rant on personal ads, pt. 1

I’ve noticed a pattern with online personal ads. Many of them fall into one of these categories-

“this one is searching for a Superior Woman to serve. i don’t care what Your kinks are, this one’s desires do not matter. All that matters is the Superior Woman’s happiness at any cost. i will do whatever You (or any Dominant Woman) tell me….cream pies, castration, using a hot glue gun to attach my scrotum to the ceiling, eating dog poo. this one has no mind of its own and is a puppet to be manipulated an You see fit. i have a penis, therefore i am worthless. i exist only for the pleasure of serving a truly Superior Lady.”

“Goddess is accepting applications for the priviledge of serving 24/7 as part of My stable. Must be willing to buy Me expensive clothes and jewelry, a new Jaguar, and a mansion with a pool. Duties of the worthless pig will include all domestic chores, receiving physical and emotional abuse, total chastity for the rest of its life, and swallowing cum from My well-hung and disease-infested male lovers. Noncompliance will be
met with having your testicles ripped from your body before they are trampled and spit on. you mean nothing to Me…..you are a valueless piece of property to be used as I see fit and disposed of when I am through with you. Must have a webcam.”

“im a sissy slut serching forr dominate woman i have chastitty device will serve you in evry way yo like im sissy bitch email me”
“True submissive searching for someone who looks like Angelina Jolie, who wants to ram me with a strap-on, flog me, give me fellatio 12 times a day, and strip for me and all my friends. No fat chicks.
You won’t find another opportunity to get with a REAL submissive like me. Must have a cute sister. And a puppy.”
“sub looking in NC”
“TS BBW seeking SWS into RSTB, PNTIW, and CVKS. No YNF or QPOL. Must be good at communicating.”