Smooth Operator

Some people compare those who shave their pussies (or cocks) to pedophiles. They say it’s an effort to look like a kid, and to sexualize that. Here’s what I don’t get-

Every time you see an adult with a shaved crotch, *you* think of little kids’ private parts. How exactly does that make *me* a pedophile? I’m perfectly capable of looking at a naked adult and seeing a naked adult. If you’re not able to do that, then it seems you’re the one with the problem.

People shave lots of other body parts- legs, face, head, armpits, etc. So why don’t you think of kids when you see that? Why do you only think of kids when there are genitals involved? Who’s the pedophile here?

Assumptions

I find it odd that in a community of nonconformists, there are so many assumptions commonly held.

For example, if you’re involved in the public scene, you’re generally assumed to be a democrat, non-Christian, and if you’re female, bisexual.

On top of that, people make assumptions about individual style of d/s. You’re submissive, so you must think this way, act this way, and carry yourself this way. After breaking away from the standard way of doing things and embracing this side of ourselves, why do people feel the need to constrain us with further unnecessary rules and restrictions?

Stringing People Along

One of the more common things you’ll see is people looking for NSA (no strings attached) play. And it’s out there if you know where to look. Casual play is done in the local scene all the time. While it’s not as fulfilling as play in a relationship, it’s still fun.

Online, lots of women try to smash that desire by saying that NSA play is unrealistic. They use this as a means of prying something out of the sub, usually money or housework. It’s that whole “pay to play” mentality.

Their hypocrisy is evident when you read a little further. Usually these women are themselves looking for NSA housework. So NSA play is unrealistic, yet getting someone to do your housework NSA isn’t? How much crack do you have to smoke before that makes sense?

Yet Another Femdom Myth

I frequently see people online saying things like, “If you want to play, you have to offer the dom something of value, whether it’s services, money, or a gift.” How about stepping away from the crack pipe a minute and looking for the logic in that statement?

First off, it assumes that play isn’t anything of value. This feeds into the wildly popular internet myth of submissive men outnumbering dominant women by 100-to-1. (Online, that may be true. In the real world, it’s not.) The fact is that submissive men are worth something. So is our effort, our time, and our pain. There are people out there who appreciate these things.

That way of thinking also assumes that she won’t be enjoying it. If that’s the case, then yes, you’ll need to offer something in exchange for her doing something she doesn’t want to do. But I’m going to let you in on a little secret. There are people out there called “sadists”. They actually enjoy bdsm. They don’t need to be paid off in any way. They like to inflict pain or erotic humiliation. It’s pleasurable for them to do so. This means there’s no need for anything to change hands. It’s a mutually beneficial experience. Both people get something out of it. There’s no need for payment in a situation like that.

When you pay a domme in any way for playing, she becomes a pro-domme. Is that the type of relationship you want? If so, go for it. Or would you prefer playing with someone who is more of a regular friend or lover?

There’s no need for bribery. Women who enjoy playing are out there.

Hypocrisy in Motion

Some people in the bdsm community have a problem with switches.  They say switches are just confused.  Or that they aren’t “really” into bdsm.  They’re treated even worse than the ultimate evil scum, submissive men.  That’s pretty bad when you consider that submissive men eat puppies and are solely responsible for our dependence on foreign oil.

(Not all communities do this, of course.  It’s often the higher-protocol, ritualized, structured communities that do this.  People in the bdsm group that I’m the most involved with don’t take this approach; people there tend to feel that being a switch is a legitimate option.)

Here’s the part I don’t get:  Those who don’t feel switches are valid usually don’t seem to have a problem with bisexuality.  At least in women.  You don’t hear them talking about how bisexuals are just “confused” or aren’t really into sexuality.

While I don’t switch, I know a lot of switches.  I was in a great relationship with one.  I respect them just as readily as I do anyone else.  And on a cerebral level, I understand the appeal.  They get the best of both worlds.  Honestly, I’m a bit jealous.  And I feel that switching makes someone more empathetic and understanding as to what it’s like on the other side.

I like Chinese food.  And Italian.  Mexican and American too.  I like heavy metal, reggae, techno, and jazz.  I play both guitar and bass.  Does this mean I’m just confused as well?  Am I not really into music and food?  Or do I simply have an appreciation for different flavors?

I don’t see why people feel that others should have to pick just one thing to enjoy.  If you like more than one, go for it!  And if you only like one flavor, that’s okay too.  But I don’t think that anyone has the right to say, “You have no place in bdsm” just because someone doesn’t do things the same way.

Pharmaceutical Companies are Bumwads

Why do we still not have birth control options for men?  As far as non-surgical options go, women have the patch, contraceptive foam, contraceptive film, the sponge, the pill, injections, contraceptive implants, pills that let them have four periods a year, female condoms, an IUD, cervical cap, the ring, diaphragms, etc.  Men have………condoms.  Women have all the high-tech options, while we have to slap a piece of latex over our hardware.  Not only that, but our only option has a failure rate between five and 40 percent, depending which studies you look at.  That rate is even higher for people with piercings.  Would you jump out of a plane if your parachute had a failure rate like that?

To be fair, not all women can use all the options above.  Then again, not all men can use condoms.  They desensitize, which can lead to loss of the erection.  Having multiple options is important.

Why are the pharmaceutical companies so reluctant to research this?  The market is there.  There’s potential for lots of profit.  And they obviously have no moral qualms about contraception since they already manufacture them for women.  Some research companies have looked into male birth control, but recently stopped, even though the clinical trials were going well.

If you e-mail the drug companies about this, you usually get back a form letter which completely sidesteps the question.  “Thank you for your concern.  Keep buying our ridiculously expensive products.”

Women should not have all the responsibility (or all the power) when it comes to birth control.  Why should it always be the woman who has to remember to take a pill, or keep going back for (and paying for) injections?  And how many women wanted babies and played the “oh, sure, I took my pill” routine?  That’s deliberate deception which ruins peoples’ lives.  And they get away with it.  A male pill (or other option for men) would put a stop to that.  Of course, men could do the same if there were a male pill.  That’s why we need individual responsibility and control of our own reproductive assets.  If both people are using birth control, the chances of failure are minimal, as are the chances of deception.

All we can do is make our voices heard.  But it seems that still may not be enough.

more grr

It pisses me off when people flake out on me.

crackheads abound

Some words and phrases in bdsm make me shudder.  Not so much for the words themselves, but for the connotations they have in my head, gleaned from my experiences.

A couple titles have this effect on me.  One is “goddess”.  Most of the people I’ve run into who bestow this title on themselves are arrogant and insecure.  These are usually the ones who have to put others down in order to feel good about themselves.  This level of arrogance surpasses even male doms, some of whom are notoriously arrogant.  How many men do you know who seriously call themselves gods?  If you’re constantly having to prop yourself up and give yourself lofty titles, alway seeking confirmation of your exalted status, that’s not a sign of strength.  It’s one of weakness.

Another cringe-inducing title is “princess”.  Eew.  Whether it’s in a bdsm context or a ‘nilla one, it smacks of laziness, greed, and self-centeredness.  There’s a big difference between “dominant woman” and “whiny, spoiled, self-entitled brat”.  They often take the “gimmie gimmie gimmie” approach; rather than being dominant, they just sit back and make demands.  They usually have an “it’s all about me” attitude as well.  To that self-absorbed attitude, I say that’s alright……if it’s all about you, I don’t need to be in the picture.  Bye.

And some people are desperate enough to put up with these attitudes since it’s the closest they’ll ever get to anything remotely resembling bdsm.  Thankfully, this is much more common online than it is in the real world.