transporting my weapons of ass destruction

Last month, I bought another cane at a 3-day bdsm event.  It’s rattan, with heat-shrink tubing over the handle.  This is my first non-synthetic cane.  I’m excited, and I can’t wait to try it out.

When I went to put it in my case, I realized that I’m due for a new case.  I use a cue stick case for my impact implements.  But this case is getting smaller and smaller as I accumulate more toys.  So I ordered this one. It’s quite a bit roomier than the one I have now.

I like using a cue stick case since it’s inconspicuous and it saves me from having to sort through the myriad black bags at parties to find mine.  I keep my other toys (bondage gear, dildos, gags, nipple clamps, etc.) in this case, which also stands out from others peoples’ toy bags.  It kind of reminds me of the cases in movies that the bad guy usues to transport the stolen uranium.  Actually, this exact model case was used in a Leslie Nielsen movie, but I forget which movie.  They were on a train, and they kept disguises in it.  And I immediately recognized it as my toy case.  Anyway, these two cases stand out from the generic black bags that everyone else has, so I don’t have trouble looking for my cases at parties.  And I don’t have to worry about people accidentally grabbing mine instead of their own.

You may ask where I keep my floggers, since they obviously wouldn’t fit in a cue case like this along with all my other stuff.  I’m currently floggerless, and I’m not sure I’ll be getting one any time soon.  Some would consider that sacrilege, I know.  Floggers are one of the staples of peoples’ toy collections.  You can’t be an official card-carrying true real bdsmer™ without having at least one flogger.  I just don’t feel a pressing need to get a flogger though. There are plenty of other vicious implements which take up less room.  And depending how they’re used, they can be incredibly intense or mild enough to use for a warm-up.

So what do I keep in my mystical magical cue stick case?  How thoughtful of you to ask!  Let me take a quick inventory-

-a tawse
-a leather slapper
-a 21"-long wooden spoon with a 1/2"-thick handle.  wicked.
-a clear lexan paddle
-two synthetic canes, one medium thickness and bendy/whippy, the other very thin and stiffer
-my new rattan cane
-a crop
-a rather thin metal cane which is bent into a heart at the business end.  verrrry stingy.
-a short (18-20") flexible whip made of braided 550 cord

So I’ve currently got ten things in my impact case.  It’s kind of crowded.  I have to fit them in there a certain way in order to close the case.  (See, playing Tetris when I was younger paid off!)  I’ve got another crop which I won a while back as well as a smaller wooden spoon which won’t fit in the case.  Once my new case comes in, I should be able to carry all this with a little wiggle room.

take my breath away…

Breath play wasn’t always something that interested me.  But in my last relationship, after lots of queening, I was hooked.  I’m not talking about doing breath play to the point of passing out.  Just doing enough to make me really struggle and want that breath……and not be able to have it.

I went to a breath play workshop a while back.  One of the presenters said she does so much breath play (almost every day) that she was beginning to show signs of being a stoner……loss of short-term memory, getting slower mentally, etc.  There’s no way I’d want to take it that far. There’s no kink worth sacrificing my mind for.

I find it incredibly sexy to have that most basic need taken away from me.  Writhing beneath her, longing so desperately for air, knowing only she can provide it……..yow.  Pure sexy on a stick.  Not only that, but it adds immensely to the trust.  Of course, a certain level of trust is required to do breath play with someone to begin with.  But it multiplies the trust that’s already there once it’s done.  That feeling of total helplessness, of being so completely at her mercy, is beautiful.

There are so many ways to do this type of play too.  Queening is one of my favorites.  There’s also hand-over-mouth style and choking.  But with choking, that can be done two ways.  Some choke to cut off the carotids, which still allows breathing, but blood doesn’t get to the brain.  Not really my thing.  But the other kind of choking, where the air supply is cut off, that’s definitely more my speed.  Another method I’ve been curious about is using water-  preferably bound, with my head being held under.  This would work on multiple levels if piss was used instead of water.

When I first got my new printer last year, I was happy.  This was my first printer with a copier and scanner.  So I was excited to get it out of the box.  When I first pulled it out of the box, it was wrapped in a bag.  That bag immediately caught my attention.  Relatively thick, clear, with nothing printed on it, and no holes in it, which is rare.  It now occupies a spot in my toy case.

an odd realization

It occurred to me the other day that Obama sounds just like The Rock. Now I can’t hear one of his ads without hearing the voice of this wrestler/actor. And that brings to mind a strange image of Obama in wrestling boots and one of those speedo-looking things.  Can you smell-l-l-l-l-l-l-l what Obama’s cookin?!?

Yeah, I know, this has nothing to do with bdsm.  What are you gonna do about it?  Huh?

death by foot massage

I signed up for a  class to learn reflexology at a local hospital.  There was a small packet to fill out when I first signed up, about three pages long.  I had to laugh when I got to the last page- It was a waiver.

An injury waiver.

For a foot massage class.

Is this high-impact foot massage?  Should I wear a helmet?

From a legal standpoint, I understand having the waiver there.  Hospitals are paranoid about that, since people sue for just about anything.  But still, it makes me chuckle.  And it brings to mind some big steroid-using guy standing in front of a class screaming “WELCOME TO EXTREEEEEME FOOT MASSAGE!!!!”

“lifestyle” vs. “just playing games”

Why are there so many (both online and in person) who are always whining about people who are “just playing games”?  While my interest is bdsm is much more than casual games, hearing or reading this still pisses me off.  I’d have no problem with it if they wouldn’t look down on everyone else.  It’s an elitist attitude, and it flies in the face of all the open-mindedness and tolerance that is preached (often by the same people.)

So what if someone isn’t as into it as you are?  How does that make that person any less than you?  People who “play mere games” have just as much of a right to bdsm as anyone else.  None of us have an exclusive claim on bdsm or any aspect of it.

Just because we choose to spend our time in different ways or take a different approach to a relationship, how does that make you any better than someone else?  Now re-read that last question in the light of bdsm vs. ‘nilla relationships.  Can you taste the hypocrisy?  A lot of people who want their own style of sexuality or relationships to be accepted are looking down on others’ style.

My personal flavor of bdsm extends outside the bedroom.  But I’m not obsessed with bdsm as some are.  So I lie in the middle of the two extremes.  It’s definitely more than a game, but it’s not the totality of who I am either.  I don’t spend every waking minute trying to “serve”.  On the other hand, my submission doesn’t end when I orgasm, and that constant hum of bdsm is usually constantly running in the background of my relationships.  And bdsm does affect my decision-making in certain areas.  I consider myself a bdsm moderate.  The way I experience bdsm is both a lifestyle and a game.  It’s fun.  It’s sexy.  And it doesn’t have to be an occasional bedroom-only thing.  It’s an integral part of the relationship, though not the singular defining characteristic of the relationship.

Much of the time, I think people who look down on casual bdsmers are jealous of those who actually enjoy bdsm and have fun with it.  And so they play this little game of one-upmanship in order to feel better about themselves.

What really cracks me up is that online, most of the people who preach a “femdom lifestyle” and look down from their lofty towers are often the ones who don’t have any actual experience with bdsm.  They sit at the computer and role-play in chat, and go on and on about their total devotion to someone they’ve never met.  I think if people like that ever met a domme in the flesh, they’d wet themselves and run.

in praise of foot fetishes

Lots of people misunderstand foot fetishists. (People also misunderstand the word “fetish”, but that’s a topic for another post.)  They often see foot fetishes as objectifying; they think it’s all about the foot and nothing more, as if some disembodied foot would turn someone on. It’s quite the opposite from my experience. For me, it’s a way of showing reverence, appreciation, gratitude, respect, submission………a way of confirming our chosen “positions”. When I kneel and kiss or lick the feet of a woman I’m involved with, it’s like bowing to kiss the feet of a queen. When I kiss a woman’s feet, I’m not just kissing a foot…………I’m kissing her. It’s not about the foot in and of itself, but rather, the person to whom that foot is attached.  A foot does nothing for me by itself.

With casual play partners, it’s simply done for its erotic energy, without as much of the symbolism. But even then, it’s still not about the foot itself; it’s one part of an interaction with that particular person.

Part of the reason foot play appeals to me is that I’m using one of the most sacred, most guarded parts of my body to pleasure one of the “lowest” parts of her body.  We guard our mouths carefully, and using it to lavish attention on a body part which has such a lowly, dirty connotation is just plain sexy.  (This is also one of the reasons rimming appeals to me.)

Another appealing aspect of foot play is the perspective.  It’s amazing to kneel at a woman’s feet and look up at her.  Most of the dommes I’ve talked with also enjoy the perspective from the top.  It’s an obvious physical manifestation of where we are emotionally at the time.  Even smaller women look very tall and powerful from this perspective.

One more facet of foot play that I find incredibly sexy is sweat.  I know this doesn’t appeal to all foot fetishists though.  I enjoy this part of it for a few reasons.  First off, it adds a more personal element to the scene.  It’s her unique scent that I’m breathing in.  It seems to have a certain bonding effect.  Second, it has an incredible ability to turn me on.  (Body odor in general is a major turn-off; I can’t figure out why foot sweat is different.)  It’s just plain hot.  I’m not sure why.  It just has that effect.  Third, it makes my brain scream “yes” and “no” at the same time.  It’s very sexy and turns me on, but at the same time, I want it to stop.  Sweat doesn’t smell good.  It adds an element of suffering.  I relish the knowledge that she’s enjoying what we’re doing while I’m suffering for her pleasure.  She’s sitting there with a smile while I lick the sweat and the stink from her feet.  It’s disgusting and I want it to stop, but it turns me on at the same time.

That’s one reason I look forward to autumn.  Apart from being my favorite season because of the beauty, the smells, and the weather, it heralds the start of boot weather.  And doing foot worship with someone who has been wearing boots for hours and hours is pure sexiness to the fifth power.

On a side note, I’m gradually becoming accustomed to the phrase “foot worship”.  For the longest time, whenever I heard that phrase, I pictured a bunch of guys in turbans bowing to a giant statue of a foot.  And again, this phrase seems to reaffirm the fallacy that it’s all about the foot rather than the person.  Plus, there’s the religious connotation.  BDSM is not a religious experience for me.  I don’t worship the one I’m with.  But it’s such a common phrase that it’s gradually losing those connotations for me.

why so complicated?

I hear lots of people talking about the latest teasing and denial “game” they’ve come up with.  Most of them are so complex that they take the fun out of t&d.  They usually require at least four paragraphs to explain.  “Draw a card and edge the sub that number of times unless it’s clubs or a 7, roll three eight-sided dice on odd-numbered days, and multiply by the number of days since last orgasm….” or some such drivel.  And don’t forget to spin around three times and sacrifice a chicken under the light of a full moon.

These games take the spontaneity out of teasing and denial.  And they require so much effort and concentration that they distract from the erotic nature of the situation.  It’s almost like stopping in the middle of an erotic moment to assemble a piece of furniture.

Not only that, but games like this take control out of the hands of the domme.  Why should she have to follow some complex plan?  Why not just let him orgasm if she feels like it, and if not, then he stays horny?  Pretty simple.  And it allows for so much more improvisation, not to mention allowing both people to fully immerse themselves in the situation.  But if they’re distracted by doing arithmetic, rolling dice, worrying about colored marbles, and playing cards, that (at least partially) takes them out of the situation.  “You know what would be really hot?  If we did some math!”

Some say, “But the domme doesn’t have to follow the rules of the game; she can let him orgasm anytime or deny him anytime, so control is still hers.”  Why even set up all these rules to begin with then?  It makes no sense.  If she’s just going to do things on a whim, why even pretend to abide by rules?

Spontaneity is exciting.  Not knowing when your next orgasm will be is sexy.  It could be today, it could be months from now.  I’d much rather that decision be constantly in the hands of whoever I’m with than in the hands of an inanimate object.