I confuse me

Lots of types of play have sort of a dual nature for me. I genuinely want it to stop, but at the same time, it turns me on. This goes for lots of things- impact, biting, being made to drink her piss, teasing and denial, being repeatedly kicked in the balls, erotic humiliation, licking the sweat from her feet, etc. These things make my brain scream “YES!” and “NO!” at the same time.

Let’s use the piss example. It tastes bad, it smells bad, and, well, it’s piss. It’s not a pleasurable thing to ingest. Yet at the same time, it makes the general stand at attention.

Other things, like impact, don’t get me hard, but they still turn me on.

Another aspect of the appeal is seeing that sadistic smile or hearing the domme’s laughter during these yes/no moments. It lets me know she’s enjoying making me suffer, that she’s taking something from my pain, humiliation, or whatever else she’s making me feel.

This “ow stop mmmmm yuck wheeeee fuckpleasestop harder owowowowowstoprightnow moreplease ” contradiction plays out in my head every time I play with someone. But the overall effect must be positive since I keep coming back for more.

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