Not long after I got involved in the local bdsm community, I realized that it’s mostly male-dominant/female-submissive. There’s a little more balance among the older community members, but among people in my age range, it’s horribly lopsided. It’s about 90-95% maledom and less than 10% femdom. Grr.
There’s a constant trickle of new people into the community. I’m involved with two groups which welcome new people into the bdsm scene. But the newcomers generally hold true to this ratio as well. The problem is partially that the community as a whole likes things the way they are. They like maledom, and so they have no interest in evening things out a little more. And some of the manly-man alpha-wannabe doms are adamantly opposed to being in the same room as a cbt scene, which I think is kind of funny. Anyway, the status quo benefits 90+% of the people in the community, so they have no interest in changing things.
But it makes me wonder. Why such an imbalance? Where are all the female dominants and male subs? Could it have anything to do with the differing ages at which men and women reach sexual peak? I’ve run into lots of women (especially dominant women) who didn’t feel comfortable exploring until they hit their 30s or 40s. Meanwhile, most of the men I know in the scene, whether dominant or submissive, started exploring early. Being a sexually submissive woman seems to be more socially acceptable in some peoples’ eyes than being a dominant woman; because of this, a woman looking to explore dominance would be going a little more against the grain. (That’s not to say that submissive women don’t ever face struggles.) This would also explain why, in the local community, the 40+ crowd has a more even distribution of maledom and femdom people. They’ve had more time to explore, get comfortable, and get past all the game-playing. But this is all just a guess. There are lots of factors at play here, so I could be totally off base.
On the plus side, the local scene isn’t overrun with male subs. I’ve heard of this happening in other cities. Any female dominant who shows up is immediately pounced on by desperate subs. This obviously keeps the dommes away. I’m glad that’s not happening here. And less male subs means less competition for me. Yeah, I’m a bastard. I know.