why so complicated?

I hear lots of people talking about the latest teasing and denial “game” they’ve come up with.  Most of them are so complex that they take the fun out of t&d.  They usually require at least four paragraphs to explain.  “Draw a card and edge the sub that number of times unless it’s clubs or a 7, roll three eight-sided dice on odd-numbered days, and multiply by the number of days since last orgasm….” or some such drivel.  And don’t forget to spin around three times and sacrifice a chicken under the light of a full moon.

These games take the spontaneity out of teasing and denial.  And they require so much effort and concentration that they distract from the erotic nature of the situation.  It’s almost like stopping in the middle of an erotic moment to assemble a piece of furniture.

Not only that, but games like this take control out of the hands of the domme.  Why should she have to follow some complex plan?  Why not just let him orgasm if she feels like it, and if not, then he stays horny?  Pretty simple.  And it allows for so much more improvisation, not to mention allowing both people to fully immerse themselves in the situation.  But if they’re distracted by doing arithmetic, rolling dice, worrying about colored marbles, and playing cards, that (at least partially) takes them out of the situation.  “You know what would be really hot?  If we did some math!”

Some say, “But the domme doesn’t have to follow the rules of the game; she can let him orgasm anytime or deny him anytime, so control is still hers.”  Why even set up all these rules to begin with then?  It makes no sense.  If she’s just going to do things on a whim, why even pretend to abide by rules?

Spontaneity is exciting.  Not knowing when your next orgasm will be is sexy.  It could be today, it could be months from now.  I’d much rather that decision be constantly in the hands of whoever I’m with than in the hands of an inanimate object.

4 Responses to “why so complicated?”

  1. naughty wife Says:

    I just found your blog through Tom. I have to say I completely agree with this! I suck at math in the first place, why would I want to do it while my mind is otherwise occupied? My husband and I are pretty new to all this, but I am finding that the more I just go with what I want to do right then, the more we both enjoy it. So no complicated games for us, just me doing what I want.

  2. Tom Allen Says:

    Let’s not forget that CDs aren’t necessarily a D/s thing. Mrs. Edge isn’t into the Mistress Cruella thing (Dammit!), but decided that she wanted “complete” control over the key. Six days? Six weeks? Six months? Her decision, not a pair of dice.

    That said, some people enjoy the randomness – why else would anyone bother to gamble or play the lottery? Perhaps a KH who doesn’t feel particularly “dommish” likes the dice (marble/card/whatever) game because it absolves her of decision making. It’s much easier to tend the key, saying “Sorry, the day isn’t here yet” than it is to play the cruel denier.

    Again, it’s not how we roll, but I do – sort of – understand it.

  3. pureliquidkink Says:

    That’s true. But most of the people espousing these complicated games are male subs; usually the dommes react by pulling away because of the complexity. Most dommes I’ve talked with who are into t&d want that control and don’t want to have to break out a list of instructions/rules.

    But I can see where you’re coming from with the non-domly domme thing. Some women feel mean at first in denying someone’s orgasm.

  4. Elle Says:

    Hmm I didn’t even know some people play such complicated games… Personally if I lock up my Boy Toy, I decide when he gets his freedom back 😀


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