Why are there so many (both online and in person) who are always whining about people who are “just playing games”? While my interest is bdsm is much more than casual games, hearing or reading this still pisses me off. I’d have no problem with it if they wouldn’t look down on everyone else. It’s an elitist attitude, and it flies in the face of all the open-mindedness and tolerance that is preached (often by the same people.)
So what if someone isn’t as into it as you are? How does that make that person any less than you? People who “play mere games” have just as much of a right to bdsm as anyone else. None of us have an exclusive claim on bdsm or any aspect of it.
Just because we choose to spend our time in different ways or take a different approach to a relationship, how does that make you any better than someone else? Now re-read that last question in the light of bdsm vs. ‘nilla relationships. Can you taste the hypocrisy? A lot of people who want their own style of sexuality or relationships to be accepted are looking down on others’ style.
My personal flavor of bdsm extends outside the bedroom. But I’m not obsessed with bdsm as some are. So I lie in the middle of the two extremes. It’s definitely more than a game, but it’s not the totality of who I am either. I don’t spend every waking minute trying to “serve”. On the other hand, my submission doesn’t end when I orgasm, and that constant hum of bdsm is usually constantly running in the background of my relationships. And bdsm does affect my decision-making in certain areas. I consider myself a bdsm moderate. The way I experience bdsm is both a lifestyle and a game. It’s fun. It’s sexy. And it doesn’t have to be an occasional bedroom-only thing. It’s an integral part of the relationship, though not the singular defining characteristic of the relationship.
Much of the time, I think people who look down on casual bdsmers are jealous of those who actually enjoy bdsm and have fun with it. And so they play this little game of one-upmanship in order to feel better about themselves.
What really cracks me up is that online, most of the people who preach a “femdom lifestyle” and look down from their lofty towers are often the ones who don’t have any actual experience with bdsm. They sit at the computer and role-play in chat, and go on and on about their total devotion to someone they’ve never met. I think if people like that ever met a domme in the flesh, they’d wet themselves and run.