Proudly Partaking in Pervy Public Play

I’ve been involved in the local bdsm community for four years now.  It took probably half that to work up the nerve to play at parties.  For subs, it can be tough because we’re making ourselves vulnerable for others to see, exposing that soft underbelly.  For those on the dominant side of things, there can be a feeling of being judged or critiqued, sort of a performance anxiety.  So it took a while to be able to do this.

Public play isn’t without its disadvantages.  (When I say public, I mean not only dungeons and other bdsm events, but also private parties.)  Most places have restrictions on what type of play is allowed.  Usually, watersports and blood play are verboten.  Some don’t allow fire play or penetration of any kind, including strap-on play.  Edgier scenes don’t happen nearly as often in public as they do in private.  Plus, there is sometimes a time limit imposed for use of the equipment, so you have to limit your scene.  At some events, you have to wait to get on any piece of equipment at all, or stake out a certain piece for an hour or two in order to secure a spot.

The people watching can add a certain exhibitionist thrill for some people, but at the same time, there’s often a feeling of having to hold back or not fully be oneself while being watched.  In private, there’s no need to worry about perceptions or extra sets of eyes.  With private play, you also don’t have to clean up right away.  It can wait until later, or even the next day.  But in public, you have to immediately wipe down the equipment and clear your toys out to make room for the next scene.

When doing humiliation play in public, I feel like the people watching are also taking part in the humiliation.  They’re all topping me, in a sense.  And that doesn’t work for me.  It feels invasive, and not in a good way.  So I generally don’t do humiliation play in public.

But public play has helped me become more confident.  Being nekkid an vulnerable in front of lots of people was horribly difficult at first.  Over time, it got easier.  While I still prefer private play over public, I’ve got no problem with public play now. That sense of self-assurance can even come in handy in the ‘nilla world; in a tough situation, I can think, “I’ve been naked and helpless in front of 150 people.  I can do this too.”

Often public play is the only choice if you’ve just met someone; it’s not a good idea to go somewhere private and put your life in someone’s hands when you’ve only known that person for half an hour.  When you’re at a party, you’re not so much trusting that one person as you are trusting everyone else there.  You know your friends won’t let anything happen to you.

Playing at parties or other events can also serve as a bonding experience with your friends who are watching.  I’m not sure exactly how it happens, but it seems to bring people closer.  You watch them play, they watch you play, and it fosters a sense of camaraderie.

There’s another type of public play that I’m a little more leery of, but still curious about………mild humiliation in the ‘nilla world.  I don’t advocate pushing our kinks on the nonconsenting public, nor do I want to perpetuate the stereotypes of “those s&m freaks”.  At the same time, I think it’d be incredibly sexy to, for example, be made to kneel and kiss the feet of the domme in a somewhat public place.  Not one that’s crowded with people, and not one where there are likely to be any kids or people I know.  Something a sidewalk after a weeknight munch, when most kids should be in bed.  The idea has a thrilling, edgy feel to it, and it’s something I’d like to explore.

I’m a horse…

…and I never knew it.  At least that’s what some people tell me.  They want me to be part of some “stable” of subs.  Invariably, I laugh and refuse to have any part of it.

Whether it’s romantic, sexual, emotional, or play, one-sided poly is not going to happen.  Period.  I’m not going to be faithful to someone who isn’t willing to give me the same.  Either it’s monogamy or poly; I’ve done both.  But if someone I’m with is going to try to hold herself to a different standard than she holds me to, we’re going to have problems.  If you want monogamy, we can do that.  If you want poly, then I’m going to have other partners as well.

Too often, the people espousing this lopsided arrangement want the benefits of poly without the responsibilities.  They want multiple partners, yet they can’t handle the jealousy they feel when their partners have someone else.  If you can’t handle it, don’t do it.  It’s called personal responsibility.  Try it sometime.

Some say, “You can only serve one person” or, “You can only have one domme.”  Why is that?  No one has ever been able to answer that question.  It’s very possible for some people to juggle multiple relationships.  If they’re talking about the emotional connection, it runs both ways.  Unless we’re talking about some online domme with an army of part-time wankers.  That’s more of a casual arrangement with guys who don’t want anything that takes up any real part of their lives.  Log in, role-play for a while, then get back to your life for a week or so.  That may work for some people, but for an in-the-flesh relationship, there are bound to be problems with this arrangement if any of the subs have a sense of self-worth.  The only exception I can think of is if both people have a cuckolding fetish.  Even then, it’d still be important to be on the same page as far as emotions, intimacy, and sex.

Why should I sit on a shelf and collect dust?  Why should I wait, unsatisfied, while the one I care about is getting her ya-ya’s out with someone else?  I deserve better than that.  Of course, that means I’m not a Real True Slave®.  I never claimed to be.

The whole “poly for dommes only” idea is a joke.

more grr

It pisses me off when people flake out on me.

You sank my battleship! You asshole!

In my last post, I explained why chastity devices get me hot.  But there’s a problem.  Well, a series of problems really.

Some of the devices just aren’t that sturdy.  Others are hard to keep clean.  Still others are horribly expensive, and if they don’t fit properly, you can’t get a refund.

I’ve been thinking about getting something along these lines-

They both seen pretty secure.  The 2(d)ni (the pic on the left) also has a bar to hook a PA to, which is a bonus for me.  It looks like it’d be easy to maintain hygiene with, too.

I also looked at a cage from Steelwerks-

Again, the PA attachment is a plus.  But I’ve got a few problems with this design.  First off, it looks like it pivots (judging by the pics) and would allow access to the underside of the cock.  (I could be wrong, but it’s hard to tell from the pics.)  When I have access to that spot underneath at the base, I can bring myself off.  The S-screw also looks like it could be opened with a pair of awls and a little fidgeting.  Even if it can’t be, if the locking system is totally tamper-proof, what happens if the relationship ends?  You can’t just snip a lock off and move on.  And they charge $100 for the special key, which looks like something any entry-level machinist could bang out in five minutes.  Plus, this device is close to $1000.

There are some issues with all three of these, as well as with most other devices out there.  With some devices, I can get off while wearing it.  Kind of defeats the purpose.  I can orgasm while flaccid, so the design is important in preventing this.  Another problem is sizing.  Most cock cages are offered in different sizes, but how can you be sure you have the right size?  Do you measure while hard or flaccid?  How can you be sure you have an accurate measurement?  How much wiggle room should you leave?  A few companies offer an in-person sizing session as part of the purchase; they measure and get the proper device for that person, like a tailor.  I like that.  It pretty much guarantees a good fit.

Maybe a way around this problem would be to offer a sizing kit for sale.  It would just be some cheap plastic tubes and rings to decide which of the sizes works best for that person.  The price of the kit would be refunded with the purchase of any device.  That way, the company wouldn’t lose money, and customers wouldn’t have to pay extra just to get the right fit.

As much as t&d interests me, these basic problems keep popping up, preventing the experience from being as intense as it could be.  The simple fact is that cocks are different.  Size, shape, proportion, how much they grow, etc.  So there is no one-size-fits-all solution.  But there’s also no way to know for sure if a certain device will work without actually taking an expensive risk and buying the device.  There’s no way to take one for a test drive.  Because of that, I think the companies that make chastity devices lose out on some business.

cock cages – pure sexy on a stick

Among those who do teasing and denial, the method is pretty evenly split.  Some use a chastity device, while others use a no-touching or no-orgasm rule.  The latter just doesn’t appeal to me for a few different reasons.

If I’m doing it on willpower alone, then I’m essentially denying myself.  It feels like there’s no involvement from the one supposedly denying me.  It’s no different than spanking myself.  To me, t&d is about the connection between two people, not about what I can do to myself.  I’d much rather be under someone else’s control than decide to deny myself.

There there’s the issue of intensity.  With a cock cage, I’m forced to go further than I’d be able to go on my own.  I’m made to feel a higher level of arousal than I’d be able to achieve using only a rule.  There’s no choice, no way out; I have to keep going until she decides.  And that’s a sexylicious feeling.

A penis prison also serves as a reminder of the one who has me locked up.  Even when we’re apart, it constantly makes me think of her.  Every time I shower, pee, brush up against something, or get nekkid for any reason, she immediately jumps into my head.  Plus, any time I attempt to stimulate myself at all, it’s like having her hand there to block me.  It’s almost like playing with each other even when we’re not in the same location.

In a way, it also feels like a symbol of ownership.  Like a miniature collar around my goodies.  A way of saying, “This is mine.  You won’t get relief unless I say.”

Plus, a chastity device is like a portable form of bondage.  And bondage is just plain hot.  Struggling against bondage is an incredible experience.  It’s a wonderfully helpless feeling, being brought to an achingly hard state, then clawing desperately at the device in the vain hope of getting even a little relief.  The knowledge that no matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to orgasm unless the domme unlocks me, makes me realize that I’m totally at her mercy.  The power imbalance is delicious.  With a rule, this doesn’t happen; I can orgasm whenever I want to if I’m not locked up.

Another side benefit of using a device is that it’s incredibly sexy to look across the table and see the key dangling from her necklace.  It’s almost like she’s rubbing it in my face, taunting me with the fact that she can orgasm all she wants while denying me the same pleasure.

The key on the necklace also stimulates interesting conversations with others, so there’s potential for leading into some erotic humiliation, or even turning others on to t&d.

GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!

Elle commented on my last post, saying, “Ball kicking??? That sounds not so nice”.  I was going to reply in the comment section, but I think ball-kicking deserves an entry all its own.

(By the way, if you haven’t checked out her blog, pop on over and take a look.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait here.)

At first, the idea of being kicked in the balls scared me.  I’d had some experience with lighter ball-slapping and squeezing, and I got into that.  But kicking just seemed so far beyond what I’d experienced, so extreme, which made me reluctant.  Seeing video clips of kicking got me curious though.  It just looked so painfully sexy.

My first experience with ball-kicking came at a private party at the home of some friends.  I ended up getting teamed up on by two women from out of town in a cbt scene.  After that, I got a chance to explore it more in a relationship; as in any relationship, she was better at reading me than strangers were, which made it more intense with her.  Since then, it’s grown to be one of my favorite types of play.

I’m not talking about running-start full-swing kicks here.  Even pulling the leg back just a foot can provide lots of intensity.  Like any other type of pain play, warm-up is important.  During the warm-up, gentle slaps to the balls can register a 9 out of 10.  As the scene wears on, I can take more and more.

This type of play appeals to me on a few different levels.

First off, this is a type of pain which I translate as erotic.  Getting kicked in the balls (in this context) gets me achingly hard.  Some types of pain are erotic, some are non-erotic; this is the former for me.

This is also, in a way, using my foot fetish against me.  The target of my fetish is the same part causing me this intense pain.  Having to kiss and lick her feet after the scene adds even more eroticification, since I’m kissing the part of her body that just hurt me.

The perspective is wonderful as well.  Kneeling with my legs spread, knowing what’s coming, looking up at the domme………yowza.  Much of the time, the domme is clothed and I’m nekkid, which only adds to the feel of power imbalance.  Looking up in this situation, she seems 20 feet tall and incredibly powerful.

Immediately after a kick, as the pain explodes within me, I have no choice but to stay kneeling, with the domme towering above me.  This makes me feel deliciously helpless.  I can’t fight back at this point.  All I can do is look up and see her smiling, laughing, enjoying the pain she caused.

a couple of fantasies

There are two fantasies that have been doing laps in my head for a while now.  And I’m going to share them with you, because Barney says caring means sharing.

The first is to cum in a glass of the domme’s piss, then be made to drink it all.  I’ve been made to drink piss and eat my cum before, but the two combined seems to really crank up the “eew make it stop” factor.  Drinking the piss before an orgasm is hard enough; having to drink it after one seems like it’d be more intense and disgusting.  This is one of those types of play where, at the moment, I’m thinking “no no no I don’t want to do this this is disgusting yick eew stop it now!”………but later, I think, “Hey, that was really hot!”

The other fantasy involves one of these-

Ball-kicking and squeezing are my favorite forms of cbt.  These things look like they could be fun along those same lines.  But the description says that when it’s tightened down as far as possible, there’s 1″ of room between the plates.  I’m not sure that’d be enough to cause a more intense level of pain.

These things used to really scare me.  But since I’ve gained more experience with ball-kicking, I’ve grown to enjoy (I use that word loosely) more intense ball pain.

I’ve seen a few pics with these (or something similar) in use.  The guys’ balls look reeeeeally squished and sore.  Yum.  I wonder if there’s a way to modify it so it goes lower than 1″.  Then again, it might be better just to make one myself.  I could probably throw one together with stuff from the hardware store- a hinge, two pieces of material, and two bolts with wing-nuts.  I do like the clear top, so maybe I can find a piece of plexiglas or lexan.

On the other hand, I’m not sure just how far the boys can be flattened before rupturing.  Exploding testicles are not my idea of a good time.  Nor is a trip to the ER.