hot and cold

Teasing and denial is much more potent and sexy when it’s infused with variety.  Some people I talk with online are locked up constantly, only to get an orgasm occasionally, then go right back into the cock cage.  For me, that approach would lose its appeal pretty quickly.  It would suppress the libido, which in my opinion is the opposite of what t&d is about.

I liken it to being outside on a hot day.  If you’re outside all day, you eventually get used to the heat.  But if you’re going back and forth from the air-conditioned house, to the heat outside, then back in, back out, the heat is much more noticeable.  Same way with t&d.  If the sub knows exactly what he’s missing, it only makes him long for it even more when he doesn’t have it.  If it’s static, unchanging, you get (more or less) used to it.  When you rarely have orgasms, you stop missing them since you hardly remember what they were like.  You get used to chastity.  If you throw some variety in there though, it has a much more powerful effect.  For example, instead of one monthly orgasm, why not go for a month of t&d, then be free for a week or two, locked up for one week, out for one orgasm, locked for two months, out for a few days, locked for a couple weeks, etc.  Mix it up.

To me, not knowing when my release will be adds to the thrill factor.  It could be today, it could be over a month from now.  This keeps the anticipation high.  Knowing that I’m at the mercy of the one holding the key is soooo much hotter than going by a schedule or point system.  And it’s much simpler.

In regard to the one-orgasm-a-month approach, having one orgasm isn’t enough for some, especially if they’re multi-orgasmic.  (Yes, men can have multiples.  I highly recommend this book if you want to learn how.)  While it can be hot to occasionally be locked back up without full relief, doing it regularly only serves to deflate the sex drive.  And isn’t t&d about increasing the sex drive rather than suppressing it, bringing the sub’s desire to a height they’d normally not achieve on their own?  This desperate hornification can be more easily attained if the sub periodically gets the opportunity for full relief, the total freedom to have orgasm after orgasm.  Then, when he gets locked back up, it’s much more of a torment since he’s had a full taste of what he’s being denied.  He knows exactly what he’s missing, and it increases the intensity of the denial.

8 Responses to “hot and cold”

  1. Elle Says:

    Makes sense to me, and well said.

    And you’re right, my Boy Toy has been dripping wet almost constantly for the last few weeks… 😀

  2. Elle Says:

    Oh and btw, I fetspanked ( this post, thought others might like it 😉

  3. pureliquidkink Says:

    Thank you! Spank away! I’m always happy to have more traffic, especially since I’ve only had a blog for a couple months now.

  4. Citizen Kinkster Says:

    Excellent post. Did I mention I added it to my list of recommended blogs?

  5. Elle Says:

    Yup, had noticed you were a “new” blogger. So am I, started my blog in July.

    I went back to your first posts, read a couple and liked them, meant to read more but… I’m a busy girl 😦 I think I’m going to have to take a week’s vacation just to read everyone’s blog that I want to read!

    And I like what you say and how you say it. Hence the spank 😀 In fact, adding you to my links right now.

  6. pureliquidkink Says:

    Citizen Kinkster- Thank you! The comments and linkification are definitely appreciated!

    Elle- The comments and linkification are definitely appreciated! I feel like I’ve said that somewhere before…
    I know the feeling on the time-to-read thing. I’m trying not to let blogs eat my life. Maybe we can get a law passed making the day 40 hours long so we can get all the reading we want done. I limit what I read, and I can’t read everyone who reads me. But I do read yours; you’re not obsessed with d/s as so many others are, and you don’t take the cliché bitchy or spoiled princess approach.

  7. Elle Says:

    I’d go for 40 hours days. Would it mean that we could sleep more, too? I could definitely do with that.

    As for being obsessed with D/s… Maybe these others think they have to limit their blog to that, since they created it to talk about D/s? Or something like that. But I figure if I limited myself to that, it’d be boring, fast. Although there ARE some boring posts of mine, for sure. I think there’s one about PMS somewhere back there 😛

    So my approach isn’t bitchy or spoiled? That’s just cuz I’m not bitchy or spoiled. Well bitchy sometimes. During my PMS 😛

  8. pureliquidkink Says:

    What I mean by “obsessed with d/s” isn’t so much to do with what they write about; it’s more in their attitudes in general. They’re the ones who insist that d/s “should” be a certain way for everyone. They try to tell others how they should live their relationships. They strive to have d/s in every single interaction, every minute of the day. They don’t joke around much; it’s all deadly serious to them. The ones who generally are into female supremacy and have very lofty, idealistic views on what constitutes “real” bdsm. Those are the ones I’m talking about.

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