Lots of people online talk about how they’re trying to turn their wives on to bdsm. Some actually (*gasp*) talk about it with their partners. This is generally the more successful route.
Others try stealth submission. And plenty of people give advice, advocating this approach. They tell people things along these lines-
If you want your wife to dominate you, start doing all the housework. Do the laundry, the dishes, cook all the meals, clean, all without complaint. Stop disagreeing with her. She’s always right from now on, so what she says goes, in every situation. Spend lots of money on her, or even hand over all your paychecks. Encourage her to take other lovers, and start wearing a chastity device.
There are a ton of problems with this approach. It baffles me that this is advocated so frequently on message boards and groups.
First off, this is not going to turn someone into something she’s not. She’s not going to come out with a strap-on and piss in your mouth just because you do the housework. If anything, someone who gets accustomed to not doing their share of the housework will become lazy and selfish. There’s a big difference between lazy and dominant. Taking this approach can only lead to a spoiled, whiny princess. Even if it doesn’t lead to that, it doesn’t mean she’s going to be dominant. She may just think, “Oh, he’s doing the housework. How nice.” It won’t compel her to dominate. This will not hit some magical domme button inside her.
The idea of never again disagreeing is another common tenet of this approach. Giving in in every area won’t lead to a dominant woman. It’ll lead her to take advantage of you and walk all over you. This gives her free reign to do whatever she likes, without repercussions. “That’s okay”, they argue, “It’s all about her desires, not his.” What happens when she does something that’s too much? What happens when this guy who’s been fantasizing about femdom suddenly realizes that he’s human and has limits? It’s too late now; she has total power.
Plus, these guys forget that they are the ones their wives and girlfriends fell in love with. Changing into someone else, acting weak, and becoming a spineless little puppet might cause their wives to fall out of love with them. Maybe she fell in love with a man who is in control, someone confident. When he starts becoming a sniveling, obsequious wimp, she’s going to bail.
Stealth submission is advocated as an alternative to actual communication. But if someone can’t (or won’t) communicate freely, what chance do they have of making bdsm work for them? A bdsm relationship requires open communication. If you don’t have that, it won’t work.
To be fair, it’s important to consider the source. Most of the guys who advocate this approach have little or no experience with femdom. That high level of idealism is a mark of inexperience. Maybe they’ve gone to see pros a few times, or maybe they role-play in chat while they wank on webcams. The majority of them have never had anything resembling a femdom relationship. And with this approach, they never will.