Femdom Myth #492

The bdsm crowd online is different in a lot of ways from the in-person/real-time bdsm crowd.  Even in regard to philosophy, there are tons of differences between the two.

One example is the myth that chastity makes a man more submissive.  This is no different than saying that drinking makes you more outgoing.  You may feel more outgoing while you’re drinking, but the next morning, you’re back to normal.  It doesn’t change you.  The percieved effect only lasts as long as the drug.  Same with t&d.  It doesn’t actually change the person; it only changes the way they feel temporarily.

I think part of this faulty reasoning comes from the fact that lots of people feel they have to somehow justify their kinks or interests.  These people feel they have to come up with some sort of reason or validation for the things they’re into.  Instead, why not do the things you’re into without having to think up a list of fake reasons?  Isn’t enjoyment enough?  Why not just admit you’re into it (or curious about it) and have fun?

I’ve seen guys write things like, “I want to get into chastity because I don’t treat my wife as well as I should” or some variant of that.  How about taking some personal responsibility for your actions there, sparky?  If you want to treat her better, do it. It’s that simple.  If you want to be more submissive, more attentive to her needs, or more willing to try new things, do it.  You don’t need to be locked up in order to be a loving partner.  If you’re submissive, submit.  If you’re a lover, love.  If you need chastity to be a decent human being, you don’t deserve a relationship.

Others get into t&d because they claim their constant masturbation is hurting their relationships.  I don’t understand how someone with that much of a lack of self control even has a relationship (or a job) to begin with.  If you can’t control your own actions, you’ve got problems that a chastity device isn’t going to fix.  Same goes for the “I don’t treat my wife right” guys.

And of course, there are those who talk about how, after an orgasm, they become lazy, selfish, and rude.  What strikes me is that they realize that there’s a problem, yet they refuse to do anything about it.  They don’t make an effort to treat their ladies right.  Instead, they try to pawn off the responsibility for their actions on someone else by saying, “lock it up.”

As a side note, yes, that “crash” after orgasm is a hormonal thing.  But hormones don’t give anyone the right to treat others poorly, especially those they claim to love.  Whether it’s PMS or a post-orgasm drop, the feelings are very real, but there still exists a responsibility to treat others right.  Your actions are yours; you can’t pass them off on someone else.  You can’t drive drunk, hit a pedestrian, then say, “It’s not my fault- I was drunk.”

Chastity is not going to fix a bad relationship.  It’s not a magical solution to your own personal shortcomings.  When you buy a chastity device, there’s no leprechaun who jumps out of it and fixes your flaws.  Unless you buy the deluxe model.  Just be sure to remove the leprechaun from the device before you put it on.  We can’t be having any squished leprechauns.  The leprechaun union would have a fit.  And all those leprechaun entrails would make the cock cage smell bad.

10 Responses to “Femdom Myth #492”

  1. Tom Allen Says:

    It doesn’t actually change the person; it only changes the way they feel temporarily.

    Grrrr! Just when I stop getting upset at all those guys who claim that they *need* to be locked up, you have to start this again.

    To me, this becomes a “chicken or egg” issue: do you think you’re more attentive because you expect to be more attentive? Because this is the rep that chastity devices already have? Because you want to be more attentive, but need the kink factor to help you along?

    ‘cos let me tell you – I wore a device during a bad time in my marriage, and it didn’t do anything for either of us. I wasn’t more attentive, and she didn’t particularly seem to care. So, it’s not the device, nor is it the lack of orgasms. Know what makes me feel more attentive to Mrs. Edge? When she’s more attentive and caring toward me.

    It ain’t rocket science.

    I’ve said this before: $200 worth of polycarbonate locked around your tonker is not going to fix your relationship. You’re much better off finding a good therapist.

  2. pureliquidkink Says:

    Exactly. Well said, Tom.

  3. Elle Says:

    Agree! I have to admit, though, that sometimes when I’m angry at Boy Toy I toy with the idea of making him put on the CB… But I resist those urges. Seems to me it should be done out of some desire for play, not desire for revenge. Or more attention.

  4. Tom Allen Says:

    Elle, I’m going to offer up another perspective. If you’re ticked at BT, you could have him put on the CD anyway. By the time you get over it – and you will in a couple of days – the both of you will be ready for some play. In fact, on some level I find the idea of being asked to wear the device *not* for play to be a bit arousing.

    Once in a while Mrs. Edge has to go away for a few days on business, or once in a while to visit family. During those times I’m locked in. There’s no play involved, and there’s no promise, or even hint of play for when she returns – it’s just one of those things that we do. It’s not necessarily hot at the time, but the idea of it before and after seems to work for us.

  5. pureliquidkink Says:

    Elle- I’m kind of torn on that idea. For me, it wouldn’t go over well, especially for the reasons you mentioned. But from what you’ve written of BT, he may go for that particular style of d/s.

    I generally advise people not to punish while they’re angry. Plus, I think it’s best to have good, sexy connotations with the device rather than negative ones.

    Tom- “It’s not necessarily hot at the time, but the idea of it before and after seems to work for us.”
    I can definitely identify with that feeling. Quite a few things in bdsm are like that for me. At the time, I want it to stop, but afterward, I get really turned on thinking about it.

  6. Elle Says:

    Hmmm you bring a very good point, Tom. I think the truth probably lies a little between what you say and what pureliquidkink says… I think Boy Toy would go for that particular style of d/s, but not all the time. I’m quite sure the idea of punishment is very hot to him, but when he’s super busy/stressed with work, he would definitely not go with it. His bratty side would take over. He is very impatient at those times. Then again, maybe it’s up to me to teach him patience 😉 But that game will require patience on my part. Lots and lots of it 😀

  7. Citizen Kinkster Says:

    The one time I tried a CB3000 ended in a disaster. I’ll post about it sometime.

  8. pureliquidkink Says:

    Cool, I look forward to reading that.


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