Looking at some of the femdom pics online makes me laugh. Sure, some of it is hot. And it can occasionally provide some neat ideas for things to try. But other stuff just screams, “What is wrong with you?!?”
Really, who has this kind of expression when they’re fucking someone?
It makes me wonder what she’s screaming.
“REMEMBER THE ALAMO!”
“YOU’LL NEVER GET ME LUCKY CHARMS!”
“THORACENTESIS IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE TREATMENT FOR PLEURAL EFFUSION IN SPITE OF THE POTENTIAL RISK OF PNEUMOTHORAX!”
I just don’t get a lot of the femdom pics out there. Women flipping off the camera? About as sexy as Dr. Phil in a thong.
There’s often this fake, robobitch approach which shows how little these models really understand about femdom. It’s obvious they’re paid actors who don’t get it. The cold, detached expressions only show that they’re trying to portray femdom based on society’s misinformed, stereotypical view of it.
And they expect us to believe that the camera operator just happened to get the timing right, and nailed the pic of the woman kicking the man in the balls. Right at the point of contact. Just as she happened to be looking at the camera. Without any motion blurring in the pic.
Why do they look at the camera when they’re supposedly in a scene with someone? It gives me the impression that I’m at a party and someone near me is talking loudly during a scene, causing the people playing to look up.
Some photo sets don’t even show faces. To me, that’s one of the more important parts. I like seeing the enjoyment on the dom’s face, the smile gleaned from causing the sub pain, the agony in the sub’s expression. Doing away with all that depersonalizes it, making into some generic parody. It also implies that the people involved aren’t important, that it’s just the action itself that’s sexy.
The video clips are just as bad. Some of these people almost end up putting the subs in the hospital because of their lack of aim with floggers, canes, belts, etc. They swing wildly, hitting the kidneys, wrapping, nailing any random body part in the area.
The guys don’t fare any better. Some just repeat, “Yes, Mistress” any time the dom says anything. And it’s usually in a droning monotone. Ooh, a two-word vocabulary……now that’s sexy. They’d be better off gagging guys like that. Moaning (or screaming) into a gag is exponentially hotter than the same two words repeated constantly.
By the way, if he’s able to calmly repeat himself that often, without any anguish in his voice, you’re not pushing him hard enough. He’s bored. Give him something to squirm about. Make him writhe. Make him hurt. That’s sexy. Much sexier than, “Yes, Mistress……Yes, Mistress……Yes, Mistress…”
For the sake of those who pay for pics and video clips online, I hope the paid content out there is better than the free stuff. I’d hate to think people are paying to see sludge like this.
Finally, for those who can’t get enough of the good stuff……clickety click.
Why do we use the word “domme”? Where did it come from? For me, “domme” is a habit which I’m slowly getting away from, and I’ve got a number of reasons for that.
First off, why do we need to differentiate by gender? There are no doctorres, soldierres, or pilottes. A doctor is a doctor, regardless of gender. Why do we have to have this distinction when it comes to dominance? There’s no need to frou-frou up the word just because we’re talking about a woman.
Gender has nothing to do with style of dominance. There are doms of every gender who are fiercely sadistic, mild and sensual, cold and uncaring, or wildly erratic.
On top of that, gender is fluid. It’s not a black-or-white issue. Just like political parties, there are more than just the two most popular ones.
Gender is also separate from behavior. Your particular configuration of fun sex parts is a totally different subject than socially-programmed behavior. They’re two different things. But for most people, gender and behavior are linked. If you were born this way, you have to act this way. And so behavior, for many, becomes a way of identifying gender in a person. Of course, if you have even a few friends in the GLBT crowd, you know that’s a bunch of crap.
I understand that differentiating can be about being proud of who you are. But why pick this one particular aspect, this one facet of many, to repeatedly be proud of? Isn’t the rest of you worth being proud of too?
And if differentiating by gender is so important, why are there no subbes?
There is one thing “domme” has going for it though: it has an elegant vibe. But can we please step away from the goofy pronunciations? Some pronounce it “dom-MAY”. This faux-French pronunciation smacks of pretentiousness. The safeword is “Grey Poupon”.
So often I see online (and occasionally in person) someone saying that d/s is all about the domme’s desires or some variation on that. “It’s not about what you want. Your desires don’t matter.” Um, yeah. About that.
That kind of idealistic gorean approach may work in some chat room role-play, but in flesh-and-blood relationships, it doesn’t fly. In a real-world d/s relationship, both people are important. It’s not about one person. If the sub isn’t getting his or her needs met, why stick around? The sub will instead find someone who does care, rather than staying with some whiny, self-centered fucknoodle.
Lots of subs fall into this way of thinking too. Some who are in relationships often try to make themselves out to be martyrs by proclaiming that they put the domme’s desires first and forsake their own. In reality, both people in those relationships are shooting for the same target. They want the same thing. It could just as easily be said that they’re chasing their own desires first since they want the same thing the dommes want. So how can these subs say that they’re putting their own desires last when they’re going after exactly what they want? How can they justify this “all about the domme” attitude?
This is often answered with more flimsy propaganda which anyone capable of independent thought can see through. “A sub is supposed to derive pleasure from serving, not from having their own needs met.” Can you say “bullshit”, boys and girls? Very good! Being submissive does not eliminate basic human qualities from one’s being. We still have our own thoughts, feelings, needs, and faults. If we aren’t getting our needs met, if we’re not happy in our relationships, doing some housework isn’t going to fix anything. “Serving” cannot fill the voids in other areas. It’s not going to magically make all our desires disappear.
While I advocate seeking the things you enjoy, don’t take it to an extreme. We’ve all come across the subs who think all dominant women are dominance machines who are always up for anything. “I want to do this and this and this, and I don’t care what you want.” That selfish approach isn’t good, whether you’re dominant or submissive. (Yet it’s often tolerated among those who call themselves dominant. Probably because there are so many online wankers who are desperate enough to put up with it.) This is just as bad as the “dominant” men and women who think that TPE is the default setting, and that the sub should do almost anything without question. In real life, compromise happens. Yes, even when there’s d/s involved. A d/s relationship is not a take-it-or-leave-it situation. Same goes for casual play. Both people need to work out what they want from the experience and what things they’re more flexible with. Being dominant does not give anybody a monopoly on having their needs met.
It is about you. It’s also about the other person. It’s about the two of you. Is that really such a hard concept? All the other aspects of the relationship are not thrown out just because d/s becomes a part of it.
There’s nothing wrong with having needs and desires. And there’s nothing wrong with pursuing those desires. Even if you’re submissive. If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll probably never find it. Don’t listen to those who say that it’s not about your desires or that you shouldn’t go after what you want. You are the main character in your life. Make it what you want it to be.
One of the things I enjoy about bdsm is that it engages all the senses. Touch is one of the first to come to mind. And I’m a visual person, so I enjoy seeing the one I’m playing with. Taste can also come into play. Doing foot play with someone who’s been wearing boots or shoes for hours and hours can bring smell into it.
But what about hearing?
There are gobs of sexy sounds out there. One of my favorites is a woman’s laughter. Hearing the woman’s laughter while she’s causing me pain or humiliation makes me all wobbly. Same for laughing during erotically disgusting play, like making me lick up my cum or drink her piss. Laughter reinforces the power exchange, heightens the sense of control, and brings to the forefront the fact that she’s thoroughly enjoying making me suffer. Little chuckles are good, but genuine, hearty laughter is the best flavor.
Then there’s the sound of heels clicking on a hard floor. No matter where I am, that sound will make me turn my head. It exudes authority and sexiness. Hearing heels behind me during a scene helps build a sense of anticipation. Even if she’s just walking over to get another toy, my senses are still being stimulated by hearing this stirring click-click-click.
The whoosh of a cane cutting through the air gets to me as well. It’s a sound that can make me tense up at times, even when I’m not playing. To me, this sound is synonymous with intense, stingy pain. Combine that with laughter and it’s a brilliant lump of sexitude.
The crack of a singletail gets everybody’s attention. Singletails are so elegant, but they’re still effective pain tools. It’s a widely recognized sound, and to people who have experience with them, this sound seems to carry more weight.
For those into teasing and denial, the click of a padlock can be incredibly hot. Such a small padlock and a quiet sound, yet it’s still an extremely powerful thing to hear. How can such a simple, quick sound make me so incredibly turned on? That little snap of the lock can be enough to make me squirm.
I find it appealing that bdsm can light up so many different senses. Hearing is one of the last ones people think of when it comes to bdsm, but it’s definitely there to be played with.