Dominant Doms Dominating with Dominance (of Doom)

Why do we use the word “domme”?   Where did it come from?  For me, “domme” is a habit which I’m slowly getting away from, and I’ve got a number of reasons for that.

First off, why do we need to differentiate by gender?  There are no doctorres, soldierres, or pilottes.  A doctor is a doctor, regardless of gender.  Why do we have to have this distinction when it comes to dominance?  There’s no need to frou-frou up the word just because we’re talking about a woman.

Gender has nothing to do with style of dominance.  There are doms of every gender who are fiercely sadistic, mild and sensual, cold and uncaring, or wildly erratic.

On top of that, gender is fluid.  It’s not a black-or-white issue.  Just like political parties, there are more than just the two most popular ones.

Gender is also separate from behavior.  Your particular configuration of fun sex parts is a totally different subject than socially-programmed behavior.  They’re two different things.  But for most people, gender and behavior are linked.  If you were born this way, you have to act this way.  And so behavior, for many, becomes a way of identifying gender in a person.  Of course, if you have even a few friends in the GLBT crowd, you know that’s a bunch of crap.

I understand that differentiating can be about being proud of who you are. But why pick this one particular aspect, this one facet of many, to repeatedly be proud of? Isn’t the rest of you worth being proud of too?

And if differentiating by gender is so important, why are there no subbes?

There is one thing “domme” has going for it though: it has an elegant vibe.  But can we please step away from the goofy pronunciations? Some pronounce it “dom-MAY”.  This faux-French pronunciation smacks of pretentiousness.  The safeword is “Grey Poupon”.

4 Responses to “Dominant Doms Dominating with Dominance (of Doom)”

  1. Lady Julia Says:

    “To each her own” is pretty my view on this. You mention one of the reasons that I like it – it has an elegant feel. I pronounce it the same way “Dom” is pronounced, though.

    Even though I use them as a springboard in the online world to help with identifying who I am and who I am speaking about, I don’t really like labels as automatically they’re accompanied by a whole set of uber concrete “you have to do this and be this way if you use this label” conditions in a lot of people’s minds. I suppose it depends on the open-mindedness of the reader as to how effective they are.

  2. pureliquidkink Says:

    That’s true. Labels are double-edged- they’re useful as a brief way of explaining something, but they also come with lots of connotations and assumptions which may or may not be true.

  3. Elle Says:

    That’s funny, because in French, you wouldn’t pronounce the e at the end of “Domme”, so where the hell does “dom-MAY” come from? It’s just the “o” that would take on a different sound: imagine the word “some” but replace the S with a D 😉

    I do write it “Domme”, when I write it at all, although sometimes I’ll write Dom. I’m not consistent in this. I think it’s the French ingrained in me that makes me feminize it, as the French give a gender to every word.

  4. | Kink Unleashed Says:

    […] or “Dom”. And strangely enough, just as I was pondering this, I noticed roo-roo talks about it in his most recent post. As usual, he makes good, sensible points, so you might want […]


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