Where are the Femdom People?

Since I’ve gotten involved with the Pittsburgh bdsm community over four years ago, I’ve wondered why there’s such an imbalance among the numbers of maledom and femdom people.  It’s really irritating.  At least to me.

And it’s not like female doms show up once or twice, then never return.  They just don’t show up at all.  It’s a running joke between me and some of my friends- every time a cute new woman shows up at a munch, party, or workshop, I bet that she’s submissive.  We seem to have no trouble attracting submissive women and dominant men.

Still, I’m glad that, unlike some other cities, Pittsburgh isn’t overrun with male subs who pounce on anyone vaguely female as soon as they walk in the door.  That’s definitely not a female-friendly environment.  Fortunately for me, we also have a lack of male subs.  Less competition is a good thing, although even if there were more competition, I don’t think it would much worsen my chances of finding someone.

If we were able to attract more dominant women, I’m sure the male subs would follow.  We do occasionally get submissive men who show up, see that there are very few dominant women, and don’t come back.

There are enough dominant women and switches here so that I’m not always jonesing for play- I do play with friends.  But I yearn for something more.  Love is important.  Casual play is fun, but play (and d/s) within a relationship is ten times better.

4 Responses to “Where are the Femdom People?”

  1. Elle Says:

    Wish I could tell you something useful, but as I don’t really do the scene stuff, and I’m in my first D/s (or at least somewhat D/s) relationship… Boy Toy found me in a regular bar and I guess he just couldn’t resist me 😀

    However, from the iddle talk I hear around here, I thought there were lots of dominant women around. Here, anyway. I could be wrong, I should probably ask my subby male friends 😉

  2. pureliquidkink Says:

    Maybe I need to find out where you are and visit if there are plenty of dominant women.

    Or I could just move the entire city of Pittsburgh out your way. I’ll need a really large truck for that.

    I’m hoping it’s a cyclical problem that will correct itself over time. I haven’t seen any sexism or anything that would keep dominant women away. Statistically, this kind of thing is bound to happen, so I’m hoping that’s all it is- normal, random fluctuations.

  3. Citizenkinkster Says:

    Let me let you in on a little secret:
    The ratio of malesubs to FemDommes is something like 10,000 to 1.
    TRUE FemDommes are so rare as to be considered unicorns.

  4. pureliquidkink Says:

    I’ve heard that before, but I don’t believe it. I really don’t think there’s any way to do a valid study to even get ballpark figures, since a lot of people won’t tell what they’re into. It stays between them and their partners. They may not be involved in the community, but they still do it. For a lot of people, sexuality is strictly private.

    I do know that there are a fair number of dominant women out there. You’re probably right in saying that men with submissive desires outnumber dominant women, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near a 10,000 to one ratio. If it were that ratio, we’d be inundated with submissive men at munches and parties. Even if they only showed up once, it’d still be really noticeable. But that’s not the case. That ratio may hold up online though. In person, my experience tells me it’s not anywhere near that.


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