I’ve done some “forced” feminization play before. And while I found it hot, it’s something that only a handful of people in the local scene know I sometimes engage in. I’d like to be more open about it, but people seem to have a lot of misconceptions about it. They make assumptions that just aren’t true. I find that incredibly ironic considering that the bdsm community is a group of nonconformists, people who tend to break away from all the typical ways and standard assumptions. Narrow thinking annoys me. So do people who dress up their dogs in little costumes, but that’s a different post altogether.
One problem is that some think forced fem play is degrading to women. They say that if femininity is humiliating, then that’s a way of seeing women as being lower than men. I understand that way of thinking. And I agree. The thing they don’t get is that the appeal isn’t in femininity being humiliating. Because really, femininity itself is not humiliating. Femininity is beautiful. The humiliating aspect is that, for the most part, I don’t identify as effeminate. So being made to emulate something I’m not can be humiliating.
If I did identify as feminine, it’d simply be part of who I am, and it would have no humiliating effect.
Another problem is that people tend to look down on those who practice forced fem. Even if the sub is stereotypically über-masculine 99% of the time, if people see him doing this type of play, their attitudes change. Not all react that way, of course, but quite a few do. Some will say that they’re okay with people doing it, yet they begin to treat differently those who are into it.
Part of that condescension may have to do with stereotypes. Only a small percentage of Muslims are terrorists. Only a small percentage of blacks are thugs. But those few on the extreme end get the press, so people start to believe that the majority are like that. Same with forced fem. There are some pushy, top-from-the-bottom do-me queens out there who are often one-trick ponies. And often, that one trick is fem play. People have bad experiences with them, and they tend to equate forced fem (and anyone who does it) with these socially inept wankers.
One last reason I don’t do any fem play in public has nothing to do with others’ perceptions or ideas. When I do any kind of humiliation play, it feels like anyone who is watching is also taking part in the scene, taking part in my humiliation. So I’m essentially playing with everyone there. While humiliation in front of a group is more powerful than one-on-one, it also presents a problem. I don’t play with everybody. I need to be attracted to whoever I’m playing with. (It’s really not such an odd idea- would you have sex with people you weren’t attracted to?) If there is a group of people watching my humiliation in a scene, the only way I’d be able to get into it is if I were attracted to all of them. A scenario like that most likely isn’t going to happen.
Forced feminization can be tasty. It’s humiliating, it’s fun, it’s sexy. Being made to do this, to do something I won’t do on my own, brings to the forefront the power exchange between two people. But stereotyping and presumptuous thinking present major hurdles for anyone who practices this type of play. Even within a community of open-minded kinksters. I do my part to correct any misconceptions out there, but sometimes that’s not enough.