I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to convince Billy Mays to do a workshop in the local bdsm scene. I have no idea if he’s into bdsm. I just think it’d be awesome to see him giving his usual spasmodic wound-up delivery on a different subject.
Maybe anal fisting.
“Hi, Billy Mays here! Did you ever want to ram your fist deep into your partner’s ass? Feel around in their colon? Well with enough lube and a rubber glove, YOU CAN! And I’m here to show you how!”
“Hi, Billy Mays here! Do you like to see your sub in pain? Do you relish his anguished looks? But floggers are expensive, and singletails take forever to learn! So how can you make your sub grimace in agony? Well I’m here to show you! Just pull your foot back, give his balls a swift kick, and voila! It’s easy! Instant sadistic gratification!”
Then again, maybe sploshing would be a little more appropriate for him. He’s always spilling things in his infomercials. He seems like he’s into wet & messy play. He really seems to enjoy spilling wine, coffee, pudding, soup, and everything else. That’s why they film him from the waist up so often- they’re trying to hide the bulge in his pants.