Some people in the bdsm community have a problem with switches. They say switches are just confused. Or that they aren’t “really” into bdsm. They’re treated even worse than the ultimate evil scum, submissive men. That’s pretty bad when you consider that submissive men eat puppies and are solely responsible for our dependence on foreign oil.
(Not all communities do this, of course. It’s often the higher-protocol, ritualized, structured communities that do this. People in the bdsm group that I’m the most involved with don’t take this approach; people there tend to feel that being a switch is a legitimate option.)
Here’s the part I don’t get: Those who don’t feel switches are valid usually don’t seem to have a problem with bisexuality. At least in women. You don’t hear them talking about how bisexuals are just “confused” or aren’t really into sexuality.
While I don’t switch, I know a lot of switches. I was in a great relationship with one. I respect them just as readily as I do anyone else. And on a cerebral level, I understand the appeal. They get the best of both worlds. Honestly, I’m a bit jealous. And I feel that switching makes someone more empathetic and understanding as to what it’s like on the other side.
I like Chinese food. And Italian. Mexican and American too. I like heavy metal, reggae, techno, and jazz. I play both guitar and bass. Does this mean I’m just confused as well? Am I not really into music and food? Or do I simply have an appreciation for different flavors?
I don’t see why people feel that others should have to pick just one thing to enjoy. If you like more than one, go for it! And if you only like one flavor, that’s okay too. But I don’t think that anyone has the right to say, “You have no place in bdsm” just because someone doesn’t do things the same way.