There’s a discrepancy in some peoples’ logic which is prevalent in the community. And, like approximately 39,603 other things out there, it irritates me.
There are doms who complain about subs who just use the doms to get their fetishes/interests fulfilled without regard to the dom’s desires. No argument from me there; I’ve seen it, and it hurts people as well as casting a bad light on subs in general. Using people is never good.
But then these same doms say that “it’s not real submission”, that the sub should give up some of his/her desires for the dom. In other words, they think it’s okay for the dom to use the sub without regard to the sub’s desires. They don’t see that it’s the exact same thing. It has nothing to do with d/s; It’s never okay to use someone like that without taking that person’s desires into consideration. Both people need to be getting what they want in order for it to work out. Being submissive doesn’t mean I’m supposed to give up my desires or that the dom is more deserving of hers. There are plenty of people out there who feel that my thoughts on this are heretical. To that I say this: You’re a doo-doo head.
The “it’s not real submission” approach baffles me. We all have different ideas over what submission is supposed to be, what it feels like, what it entails. Often when someone says that it’s not real submission, they mean that it’s not their particular way of doing it. There are too many variables to assign a strict definition to submission. That’s why I don’t understand how people can say that it’s not submission just because someone doesn’t fit into their little idea of what “real” submission is. “Real” can usually be translated as “my particular way of doing it”. Just because it doesn’t feel like submission to you doesn’t mean that others are perceiving it the same way.