Pervy Public Piss Play

One thing I’ve been wanting to try for a while is public piss play. Obviously, most types of piss play wouldn’t work well, since the ‘nillafolk would be freaked out. So the solution is to do it right in front of them without them knowing.

For example, a domme could take a glass (or other container) into the restroom and fill it with something warmer. When she brings it back out for the sub to drink, not only is the erotically disgusting element there, there’s also a hint of humiliation. Does anyone suspect what’s really in the glass? Was that slight smile from the woman across the room just now a coincidence, or does she know? Did the waitress smell his piss-breath? The imagination can be a powerful tool. And secrets are sexy.

I’ve experienced something like this before, and it was beyond hot. It was at a play party, so the risk of being found out wasn’t as big a deal, but this was still one of the most erotic experiences I’ve ever had. That says a lot considering all the kinkypervydirty things I’ve done.

This type of play is definitely doable, and I think it’d be fun to explore more.

Mrs. Reagan Told Me To Just Say No

When someone asks you to play and you’re not interested, how do you say no without feeling like an ass? I’ve posed this question in other places too, and it’s a tough one.

I try to be as gentle and diplomatic as possible, and I still feel like a major prick when I turn someone down. I realize that as long as I’m not rude, the onus is on the other person to not take it personally. But it still bothers me to tell someone no.

If I’ve got other scenes lined up and won’t have time, that’s easy enough to deal with; just be honest, and maybe set something up for another night. But honesty isn’t always the best way to go if that person has major hygiene problems or simply can’t be trusted.

Some may see it as shallow, but I need to be attracted to whoever I’m playing with. I liken it to sex: Would you have sex with someone you’re not attracted to? So if I’m just not feeling it with someone who wants to play, what’s the best way to handle that without hurting her?

I’ve been approached by men wanting to play, and I just tell them that I don’t play with men. It’s a short way of saying that I’m not attracted to men. Pretty simple. And that’s a pretty common response, so they’re used to it. They don’t get offended by my heterosexuality. Can’t blame them for going after something they want; we all do it.

In saying no to anyone, I like dealing with more experienced people. Usually, their approach is clear but open-ended. Something along the lines of, “I’d like to play with you sometime. If you’re interested, you know where to find me.” That’s a much better way to approach someone, and it’s one that I often use if I ask someone to play. That way, the person being asked doesn’t have to say no if they’re not interested. But not everyone uses this approach, and sometimes people can even be pushy. Those are the ones I have trouble dealing with.

One approach I take is an honest approach which sort of puts the blame on me. I’ll say something like, “I need to feel a certain chemistry when I play with someone, and I’m just not feeling that.” Still, I feel mean saying this.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a good problem to have. It’s much better than being involved in a bdsm community which is overrun with pushy, obsequious subs. I’ve heard of this happening in other cities. An event will be loaded with submissive men, and anyone vaguely female who walks in the door is pounced on. That tends to chase women away, which only further skews the ratio.

What are some effective ways of saying no without hurting the one asking?

Well That Didn’t Take Long

Any kind of bdsm social site or message board can’t seem to exist very long without being overrun with morons.

A while back, some friends in the local scene turned me on to Fetlife. (If you know what I go by online, I have the same name on that site.) It’s a relatively new site, though it’s been around long enough to become really established. Overall, I like it there. It’s very customizable, and there are a few different local groups on there where we can post event announcements and poke each other. There are tons of other groups of every category. But in looking around in a lot of the other groups, the online fantasy mentality infests most of the conversations. Other groups are plagued by drama. Even groups that at first glance seem to be filled with levelheaded people who actually do bdsm in real life are quickly pounced on by wannabe doms and webcam subs. All the classic myths are presented as not only reality, but as the ultimate truth. There’s the “the sub’s desires don’t matter” line, the “orgasm denial makes you a better person” approach, the “all bdsmers are non-Christians and democrats” lie, and of course, “subs should do whatever they’re asked without question or independent thought”.

I do really like the site. But I recently pared down my groups because of all the stereotypical internet wankery. I have no interest in living by someone else’s absurd rules and arbitrary protocol, nor do I believe my sexuality and identity can be molded to some arrogant assbagel’s one-sided fantasy. I partake in bdsm in the real world. That’s where my interest lies. Not in having the same circular arguments with Her Royal Highness Princess WhinyBitch and her pathetic army of puppets.

Fetlife is great as a community bulletin board. And it’s fun. It’s very much a useful site as long as you watch your step for all the verbal excrement being spewed by some people.