Any kind of bdsm social site or message board can’t seem to exist very long without being overrun with morons.
A while back, some friends in the local scene turned me on to Fetlife. (If you know what I go by online, I have the same name on that site.) It’s a relatively new site, though it’s been around long enough to become really established. Overall, I like it there. It’s very customizable, and there are a few different local groups on there where we can post event announcements and poke each other. There are tons of other groups of every category. But in looking around in a lot of the other groups, the online fantasy mentality infests most of the conversations. Other groups are plagued by drama. Even groups that at first glance seem to be filled with levelheaded people who actually do bdsm in real life are quickly pounced on by wannabe doms and webcam subs. All the classic myths are presented as not only reality, but as the ultimate truth. There’s the “the sub’s desires don’t matter” line, the “orgasm denial makes you a better person” approach, the “all bdsmers are non-Christians and democrats” lie, and of course, “subs should do whatever they’re asked without question or independent thought”.
I do really like the site. But I recently pared down my groups because of all the stereotypical internet wankery. I have no interest in living by someone else’s absurd rules and arbitrary protocol, nor do I believe my sexuality and identity can be molded to some arrogant assbagel’s one-sided fantasy. I partake in bdsm in the real world. That’s where my interest lies. Not in having the same circular arguments with Her Royal Highness Princess WhinyBitch and her pathetic army of puppets.
Fetlife is great as a community bulletin board. And it’s fun. It’s very much a useful site as long as you watch your step for all the verbal excrement being spewed by some people.