Do-me Subs, Do-me Doms

We’ve all run into the do-me subs- people who are only concerned with their own needs and not the needs of the dom. It’s a selfish approach to bdsm. They usually hold some unrealistic, overly idealistic fantasies. And there are plenty of do-me dommes with the same attitude, thinking it’s only about them. And of course, they’ve got their own unrealistic fantasies. It’s the same problem on both ends of the d/s spectrum.

Here’s what I don’t understand: Lots of do-me dommes think they alone define what constitutes d/s. If you don’t agree with their one-sided fantasy, then you’re “not really submissive” or “just playing games”. If you’re not interested in doing their housework or being cheated on, they try to insult you and belittle your submission. They feel justified in this double standard; they’ll often knock the do-me subs, yet they carry the same “all about me” attitude themselves. And they think that’s okay, simply because they call themselves dominant.

This isn’t a problem of being submissive or not submissive. It’s a problem of compatibility. Just because you’re not compatible, that doesn’t mean the other person isn’t submissive. They may not be your particular flavor of submissive, but that doesn’t give you the right to make them feel like they have no place in bdsm. It’s a matter of personal preference. If someone doesn’t fit well with you, find someone who does.

One Response to “Do-me Subs, Do-me Doms”

  1. LashFX Says:

    Do me subs and doms/dommes have vanilla counterparts – the ones with personality disorders, i.e., the perpetually psychologically abusive. No, it’s definitely not a problem of being the right kind of submissive (or dominant,as the case may be). In whatever lifestyle you find the disordered/abusive, they are very difficult, damaging people. Just move along as fast as you can.


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