Just Freakin’ Brilliant

One of the more common things I hear in regard to teasing & denial comes mostly from the guys; they say that they’re more attentive when they’re locked up.

I call bullshit.

How about taking some responsibility for your actions, wheezy? You control your actions. How much attention you give is entirely in your own hands. It has nothing to do with whether or not your cock is in a cage. The lack of a chastity device does not prevent you in any way from treating your partner well. If you choose to be less attentive when you’re not locked up, that’s your own choice, and you should be held accountable for it.

This is simply manipulative behavior. People use this as an excuse to engage in the type of play (t&d) that they enjoy. “Oh, I’m not being attentive……you’d better lock me up.” This is no different than a parent buying a toy for a kid who’s screaming and throwing a tantrum; rewarding negative behavior only reinforces that behavior.

If you love the other person, treat him/her well. Period. It has nothing to do with gender, d/s orientation, or whether or not your cock is locked up.

Love to Love Your Lovely Lovin’

I think that was a song.

People lose sight of what’s important sometimes. This is especially true in relationships. When bdsm is involved, even more so. Some start to think bdsm is about making the sub do inane things. Or that it’s about one person’s enjoyment. Or following a script. Or housework. Or S/strange C/capitalization.

When did the “relationship” part of it disappear? Do you still love each other? Did you ever?

In a relationship, I expect love to be the base everything else is built on. Love comes as a package deal, and it includes things like respect, honesty, and a genuine concern for the other person’s happiness. The latter part of that is antithetical to making someone miserable. And making someone miserable is what some think that bdsm is about.

Love and bdsm are not mutually exclusive. They’re much tastier together than they are individually. Yet so many have never experienced this combination, so they continue to think that bdsm should involve emotional turmoil and general unpleasantness. The dommes strive to make the subs miserable, and subs tolerate abusive behavior because they think it’s their “place”. That’s not bdsm. That’s not love. That’s a skewed, bastardized version of bdsm that many have come to accept as reality.

Bland BDSM

C’mon, people, why so serious and dull?

What happened to bdsm being fun, sexy, and cathartic? Instead, so many turn it into something bland. A struggle. Mundane.

They talk of tasks, housework, protocol, and structure, and then they wonder why their sex drives are nil. Restricting yourself with these things is no different than restricting yourself to missionary-only sex. Remember the spark you had when you first started exploring bdsm? And all the things that turned you on? What happened? They’ve been replaced by some staid script, a rule book.

If you remove the sexiness from your relationship, is it really any wonder that things tend to get dull? Even though you still talk about living “the lifestyle”? You’ve got a big toy bag full of toys, yet you only use them to enforce the scripted nature of the relationship rather than using them for bonding, fun, or love. Do you need a reason to play? Really? Does it always have to drive some point home, to be a punishment or reward? What happened to doing something because you enjoy it? If you’re both into it, do it. You don’t need an excuse. You don’t have to wait for a reason.

Bring back the things that brought you into bdsm, and the flame will return. Life is better when you eliminate the extraneous.

COPE

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