I think that was a song.
People lose sight of what’s important sometimes. This is especially true in relationships. When bdsm is involved, even more so. Some start to think bdsm is about making the sub do inane things. Or that it’s about one person’s enjoyment. Or following a script. Or housework. Or S/strange C/capitalization.
When did the “relationship” part of it disappear? Do you still love each other? Did you ever?
In a relationship, I expect love to be the base everything else is built on. Love comes as a package deal, and it includes things like respect, honesty, and a genuine concern for the other person’s happiness. The latter part of that is antithetical to making someone miserable. And making someone miserable is what some think that bdsm is about.
Love and bdsm are not mutually exclusive. They’re much tastier together than they are individually. Yet so many have never experienced this combination, so they continue to think that bdsm should involve emotional turmoil and general unpleasantness. The dommes strive to make the subs miserable, and subs tolerate abusive behavior because they think it’s their “place”. That’s not bdsm. That’s not love. That’s a skewed, bastardized version of bdsm that many have come to accept as reality.