One of the often-quoted myths online is that there are supposedly a hundred, a thousand, even 10,000 submissive men for every dominant woman. If that were true, there would be, at the very least, a few hundred submissive men in my local scene. And we’d all be standing around staring at each other.
I think the roots of this myth are twofold.
First, people tend to include all the online wankers who e-mail random pics of their cocks to anyone vaguely female. These are the guys who post things like, “im no limits slav 4 dominate women i serv u cuckold me plz”. If they ever met an actual domme in real life, they’d probably faint or immediately soil their pants. If you include these guys in the numbers, then yes, it’s accurate. But I don’t consider them to be in the same category as the people who actually do this in real life, so I don’t include them.
Also, I think that there are a lot of women online who tend to perpetuate this fallacy because it gives them power. They can tell men that since there are sooooo many other subs out there, finding a replacement is easy. So, of course, the sub must give her money, do her housework, and spread the word about what a wonderful domme she is. Otherwise, he’ll be out the door. It’s manipulative, but it happens. These types prey on those with low confidence or those who are new to bdsm and don’t know any better.
When you look at the real-world bdsm community, the numbers are much more even. Sure, some cities have an abundance of guys who pounce on women and immediately ask if they can lick their boots. Again, I don’t count them since they’re more along the lines of “predatory fetishist” than “sub who’s active in bdsm”. And locally, these types tend to hang out in the fetish/club/goth scene rather than the bdsm scene. Occasionally one might show up at the dungeon, but they don’t come back often since they don’t get what they’re looking for there. There’s a basic amount of social skill needed to thrive in the bdsm scene, and those who don’t have that (whether they’re in-person or online) are often counted in this 1000-to-1 ratio. Eliminate them from the numbers, and you get a more balanced, realistic view.