I’ve been thinking about the paradoxical (at least for me) nature of masculinity lately, and one of Bitchy Jones’ recent posts struck a chord with me.
I’ve been called butch by friends before, which felt a bit odd being applied to a guy. I dress in a masculine way which emphasizes my body. One guy in the local scene even said, “You’re the only normal male sub I know” since I’m not the stereotypical obsequious sissy maid type. Working out and dressing this way gives me a boost in confidence and makes me feel sexy when I go out. I take pride in my appearance. When I go to a bdsm event, I’ll be in jeans (which fit properly) or leather pants, a somewhat snug shirt, or maybe a leather shirt. I don’t go in a French maid’s outfit. Pretty much the exact opposite.
On the other hand, I have done some feminization play in private, and the woman I was playing with and I both found it hot. To me, the appeal was more that this isn’t who I am in daily life, so it pushed me some. If I were in that state all the time (by my own hand or someone else’s) it’d lose a lot of appeal.
Plus, I think the traditional gender roles are a bunch of crap. Being told that we should do certain jobs around the house, get specific careers, or take the majority of responsibility for romance just because of how we were born is hypocritical and worthless.
Masculinity itself has become a caricature. When people talk of masculinity, some often cartoonish images come to mind. Yet we’re expected to hold ourselves to these played-out standards and be the crotch-scratching, overly-hairy, money-throwing, willing-to-do-anything-for-sex, drunken frat boy types who aren’t able to talk about feelings in any capacity. Personally, I refuse to be that. It’s not who I am.
For me, masculinity has two faces. There’s the sexy, comfortable side, and there’s the prefabricated stereotypical sludge that others push on us.