Another Femdom Myth for the Pile

One of the often-quoted myths online is that there are supposedly a hundred, a thousand, even 10,000 submissive men for every dominant woman. If that were true, there would be, at the very least, a few hundred submissive men in my local scene. And we’d all be standing around staring at each other.

I think the roots of this myth are twofold.

First, people tend to include all the online wankers who e-mail random pics of their cocks to anyone vaguely female. These are the guys who post things like, “im no limits slav 4 dominate women i serv u cuckold me plz”. If they ever met an actual domme in real life, they’d probably faint or immediately soil their pants. If you include these guys in the numbers, then yes, it’s accurate. But I don’t consider them to be in the same category as the people who actually do this in real life, so I don’t include them.

Also, I think that there are a lot of women online who tend to perpetuate this fallacy because it gives them power. They can tell men that since there are sooooo many other subs out there, finding a replacement is easy. So, of course, the sub must give her money, do her housework, and spread the word about what a wonderful domme she is. Otherwise, he’ll be out the door. It’s manipulative, but it happens. These types prey on those with low confidence or those who are new to bdsm and don’t know any better.

When you look at the real-world bdsm community, the numbers are much more even. Sure, some cities have an abundance of guys who pounce on women and immediately ask if they can lick their boots. Again, I don’t count them since they’re more along the lines of “predatory fetishist” than “sub who’s active in bdsm”. And locally, these types tend to hang out in the fetish/club/goth scene rather than the bdsm scene. Occasionally one might show up at the dungeon, but they don’t come back often since they don’t get what they’re looking for there. There’s a basic amount of social skill needed to thrive in the bdsm scene, and those who don’t have that (whether they’re in-person or online) are often counted in this 1000-to-1 ratio. Eliminate them from the numbers, and you get a more balanced, realistic view.

10 Responses to “Another Femdom Myth for the Pile”

  1. Tom Allen Says:

    Maybe it’s because even within he BDSM community there are so many variations. If you’re a bondage slut, then you’re not going to look at dommes who want a service sub. If you’re a sensually oriented domme, you’re not going to give much thought to someone who wants to be flogged with a chainsaw.

    Plus, it’s just bad karma that there *never* seems to be whatever it is that you’re lookign for, no matter what your orientation.

  2. Mykey Says:

    Hi

    Im not sure you can discount them so easily. They arent eligable perhaps, not socially skilled or a good catch. But you got to ask why they are that way, what is it about them that makes them go to fetish clubs even if they arent going to get anywhere with anyone. These guys are the ones who found their personality and sexuality in an environment that discouraged and demeaned rather than nurtured. They failed to learn social skills, but why is that. Yet their underlying sexuality is still there, still drives them out to pounce on the unwary.

    They may not be a good catch, but I think they still count as a sub. Its kind of sad to be honest. I dont want them bothering me or Sandy at a club, but I feel for them.

    M

  3. pureliquidkink Says:

    @Tom- How did you know I’m into being flogged with a chainsaw?

    @Mykey- I write them off so easily because they don’t get serious consideration from anyone. They stay on the sidelines because of their approach. They do exist in large numbers, but they effectively isolate themselves.

  4. erin Says:

    while i appreciate the fact that there are definitely some people out there to use and abuse men under the guise of being dominant, i also think you are neglecting that some men are into this, and not on a level of not knowing any better. maybe it is naive at first, but what about when someone gets beyond that point and it just becomes a turn-on, period? (and i’m not talking about financial domination websites, those pretty much disgust me)

    i don’t think submission should EVER be to a point where it is all-consuming or damaging, but a lil housework never hurt anyone!

  5. pureliquidkink Says:

    There are a handful for whom housework is something they’re genuinely into, yes. But that’s a small group. Most people I know see no connection between housework and bdsm. And in most situations where it’s come up with those I know (and in my own experience) it’s been more the “I’m going to see if I can get you to do my housework by calling it bdsm” type situation. The majority who do this just try to slap a label on something in order to pawn it off on someone else. Apparently there are a fair number of dommes who don’t realize that “housework never hurt anyone” since they try so hard to avoid it.

  6. First Domme Says:

    I love this posts . Post more and thanks to all the mistress!

  7. Otto Bonano Says:

    You must write more about mistress!

  8. Shadow Lady Says:

    But don’t you think there is a large group that is into BDSM as sub or domme and are simply not active in the scene for one reason or another? They seem not to fal into either of your categories.

  9. pureliquidkink Says:

    @Shadow Lady- Absolutely. The people who do this privately probably greatly outnumber those who are involved in the community. Still, I don’t think they skew the numbers at all, as it’s most likely a pretty even number of dominant women and submissive men. But for my purposes here, it makes no difference, since I’m talking more about people who are open about it, whether in person or online.

  10. Nate Says:

    To be truly submissive is just who you are. It’s a lifestyle you lead, and it doesn’t necessarily have to involve any kink, even. I think a large portion of those “submissive” men just get turned on by the imagery and the fantasy. A lot would much rather wank to it than live it. And a lot also probably want their spouse or girlfriend to whip them, tie them up , worship high heeled boots, etc. But afterwards, they want to resume being alpha, and watch football, play golf, and wait for their wives to cook dinner and fold their laundry


Leave a reply... or squirrels will eat your face.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: