Smooth Operator

Some people compare those who shave their pussies (or cocks) to pedophiles. They say it’s an effort to look like a kid, and to sexualize that. Here’s what I don’t get-

Every time you see an adult with a shaved crotch, *you* think of little kids’ private parts. How exactly does that make *me* a pedophile? I’m perfectly capable of looking at a naked adult and seeing a naked adult. If you’re not able to do that, then it seems you’re the one with the problem.

People shave lots of other body parts- legs, face, head, armpits, etc. So why don’t you think of kids when you see that? Why do you only think of kids when there are genitals involved? Who’s the pedophile here?


Online, lots of guys talk about how they need to be put in chastity because they can’t control themselves. They see themselves as too weak to maintain control of their masturbatory habits. So, of course, a cock cage is the solution.

How does this make any sense at all?

If you have no self-control, that’s a problem. If your wanking is getting to the point where it interferes with your life, you need more help than just a chastity device. If you’re genuinely addicted (to anything) then get help. It’s out there.

Besides, one of the hot parts of bdsm is giving control to someone else. If you don’t have that control in the first place, how can you give it to the other person? What kind of domme would want to be with someone who’s too weak to control his own life, someone who doesn’t have his affairs in order?

If you’re talking with other bdsmers, and you’re into t&d, just be honest about it. There’s no need to make up some story or absurd reason why you “need” to be locked up. If you’re into it, that’s reason enough. If this type of play does something for you, do it.

Yes, I’m Still Alive

As far as I know, anyway.

Haven’t been around much lately. The past six weeks, I’ve been seeing someone, but we just split a few days ago. We were both hoping it’d work out, but it didn’t.

Still looking for a job closer to the city, but the job market sucks right now.


I’m all for learning lessons from the past. If I (or others) can benefit from someone else’s experience and mistakes, that’s definitely a good thing. But I fail to see the sense in clinging to tradition. Why should I structure my relationships a certain way or restrict myself in some way just because others have done it in the past? How exactly does this benefit anyone? I see no sense in playing follow-the-leader, especially when the “leaders” aren’t living their relationships in a way that I’d like to.

That’s not to say that there’s nothing of value to be learned from others’ experiences. There is. Still, learning from what they’ve done is a lot different than trying to mimic their attitudes, beliefs, ways, and values. You can learn from the past without getting rid of your individuality. But when you try to replicate others’ experiences and adopt their beliefs rather than doing things your own way, you do so at the expense of your own identity.

I (and many others) broke away from the “normal” or vanilla way of doing things in order to be involved with bdsm. I decided that I have no reason to be restricted by their arbitrary rules. So why should I adopt another set of rules that I don’t agree with? Isn’t that just trading one inconvenience for another? I’d much rather be true to who I am without having to worry about whether I’m acting and thinking in a way that will be approved of by the bdsm tribunal.

The founders of the bdsm community should be lauded for what they’ve done in building an in-the-flesh community of individuals with similar interests. Commended, but not revered as deities. Yes, they accomplished something great. But we don’t need to parrot their actions and attitudes. We can keep the foundations of the community they started without sacrificing ourselves in the process.

The demographics of the community were different then. At first, it was all gay veteran bikers. Now, the scene is made up of various sexualities and genders with a wide range of interests and styles. Lots of hetero and bi people saw the gay leather community and wanted one for themselves, so they started with that framework that the leathermen had built and tweaked it to fit them. The two communities are still very different, so it’s absurd to think that we should all adhere to the old guard way of doing things.