Prose on the Pros (and Cons) of Pros

People in the bdsm world have a wide range of opinions on pro-dommes. Some think they’re evil, puppy-eating, soul-destroying ass puppets. Others hold them up as the standard of what all dommes should be. And there are plenty of positions between the two extremes.

I try to make that call on an individual basis rather than blanketing them all without knowing them.

On one hand, I understand that some people have high-profile jobs and can’t be involved in their local bdsm communities. Some people just don’t want to put in the time getting to know people and making friends, so they pay for a single scene and move on. Others are extremely intimidated by the social aspect of the community, have no desire to experience bdsm in the context of a relationship, or only want one or two scenes a year. For all these people, going to a pro makes sense.

But there are some pros who get involved with the local scene only to fish for new customers. They don’t strike up friendships or spend much time talking with people who aren’t useful to them. Some have come to events with a photographer, taken some pictures, and left. They try to give the impression that they’re actually involved with the community. Of course, there are also others who do get involved, coming to munches and parties, making friends, and having fun in the local scene.

There are pros who string along the people who see them. Just a few more sessions, a few more payments, and just maybe he’ll become “special” to her. They dangle the false hope of a relationship in order to squeeze more money out of their customers. Not all do this, but I’ve seen it enough for it to be fairly prevalent.

I’ve played with a few pros, but only as friends, never as a paying client. I cherish the knowledge that when I play with someone, she’s genuinely getting something out of it. If she was playing with me because I was paying her, I’d question whether she’s really into it. Anyone can act. If you go to a strip club, the dancers act like they’re interested in you. But see how they act when they’re not working. Are they still interested?

Some take the “nothing’s free” stance. If you consider friendship and conversation to be payment, then I agree. I play with friends frequently and it doesn’t cost a thing. No money, no presents, no bartering with chickens, no payment of any kind. We do it because we enjoy it. Same thing in a relationship. I value what they do and they value what I do. Why should I pay for something I’m already getting for free?

Going to a pro doesn’t make sense for me, but for some others, it may be worth it. I think it’s best to look at pros as people rather than as pros. I don’t want to be defined solely by my job either. Who is she as a person? Is she approachable or arrogant and icy? Is she just fishing for clients or really trying to make friends? Does she believe in female supremacy, or does she take a more realistic worldview? There are plenty of criteria that can be used to form an opinion of someone, so individual discernment is called for. Just like any other group, pros are spread all over the spectrum of personalities.