On various bdsm sites, one of the more common complaints dominant women have is that of the guys who think bdsm is just like what they read in fictitious stories. These guys have unrealistic one-sided fantasies in their heads, and they expect the dom to fulfill them, regardless of whether she’s into it or not. It’s definitely a valid complaint.
But the other side of that exists, and people don’t often get called out on it. There are plenty of women who think the sub is going to clean their house, do their laundry, change their oil, do the yard work, and myriad other tasks. And he’s going to be magically fulfilled in the process. No need for an emotional connection or any form of physical relationship, no need for anything other than the dom sitting back and saying what she wants. So who’s reading too much fiction now? This is just as one-sided and unrealistic as the color-by-numbers fantasies in the first paragraph. There may be a handful who do that in real life (just like the scripted checklist fantasies above) but they’re exceedingly rare. Because it’s so rare in real life, how can anyone say with any seriousness that this is the way all subs should act?
If you call someone out on this online, you get shouted down because, as everyone knows, all “real” subs get deep fulfillment from doing thankless grunt work and never getting their own desires met. And the internet is dominated by people who don’t actually do this in real life. There are plenty of “cyber-dommes” and their desperate minions, but the majority of them have never had an in-person bdsm relationship. The few who have have had short relationships due to their unrealistic expectations, so they retreat to the internet where they can again be praised and told that they’re always right.
Look at reality. Just looking locally as an example, I know tons of people into bdsm (which includes d/s.) Of them, at least 99% of them do bdsm because they enjoy it. There’s no lopsided distribution of housework involved, no one-sided fantasies. Every couple does what they do because it makes them happy. There’s no one-sided fiction involved. Doms and subs alike realize that being self-centered quickly kills relationships and drives away friends and play partners.
Lots of new subs think, “Am I broken?” when they realize that they don’t gain fulfillment from doing housework and succumbing to the philosophy of the internet dom. Usually the response is, “You’re not broken, you’re just not submissive. You’re a bottom. Go to see a pro-domme.” Wrong. Submission takes many forms. Just because it doesn’t match a particular dom’s particular flavor of d/s, that doesn’t mean it’s not submission. It just means you’re not compatible.