BDSM Boot Camp

Mmmmm boots……

Oh, hello there.

*ahem*

Is bdsm one aspect of your life (among many) that you enjoy, something that flows naturally and freely? Or is it a major undertaking requiring extraordinary effort and causing you anguish?

I ask because there’s an approach to bdsm I’m seeing more and more of, though much more often online than in the local community. People are trying to frame up bdsm as some major personal improvement plan rather than something exciting and sexy. (I know bdsm isn’t always about the sexual side of things, but some deny the sexual aspect completely and turn it into a soulless, bland experience.) So in this setup, the domme is trying to improve the sub in some way, trying to make him a better person overall. It’s a worthy goal, but isn’t self-improvement more solid and lasting when it comes from within? Why do you need someone to tell you that there’s room for improvement? If you’re not motivated enough to do that on your own, it’s important to question why. If you can’t work on your weaknesses without someone guiding you step by step, you’ve got problems. And what domme is going to want a sub who doesn’t have the drive to improve himself?

I’m not looking for a life coach. I’ve got my life together. I see the areas that need improvement, and I work on them. Pretty simple. Simple, but not easy.

This domme-as-personal-trainer approach also contains another flaw. It assumes that the domme is either perfect or able to do her own self-improvements without any help from the sub. So if she’s capable and responsible enough to do that, why isn’t the sub? Does being submissive somehow make people less driven, less capable, or less strong? If he is responsible enough to do it, it’s insulting to insist that he isn’t.

2 Responses to “BDSM Boot Camp”

  1. Tom Allen Says:

    I’d sort of agree with you more, if I didn’t have a crush on Jillian Michaels.

  2. Stabbity Says:

    Gleefully sadistic personal trainer/unsuspecting trainee could be a fun scene, actually 🙂

    But seriously, I just don’t see what I’m supposed to get out of being an unpaid life coach, or how I’m supposed to get hot for someone who can’t get motivated to work on his own life without me looming over his shoulder brandishing a riding crop.


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