I saw a post today on a chastity/t&d discussion group. Of course, I responded. A woman was asking what penalty most dommes/keyholders give when the sub argues. And yet so many dominant women accuse men of having unrealistic expectations and fantasies. This is further proof that it happens on both sides of the d/s spectrum.
Say it with me, boys and girls:
Chastity is not a solution to relationship problems.
Why do people continue to think that chastity or d/s will solve their relationship problems? When you have a fight, you need to work it out as a couple. Just because there’s d/s or chastity in the equation, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to compromise. A d/s relationship is still a relationship. You still have to deal with all the vanilla problems that everyone else has.
Let’s say that a hypothetical couple has a fight. She’s got him locked in chastity. Using this approach of penalizing the sub for not agreeing with everything the domme says, she punishes him in some way. The next time he disagrees, he’s reluctant to say so. He’s reluctant to communicate out of fear of punishment. Now he can no longer express his own needs and desires, which means he can no longer get those needs filled since she doesn’t know what they are. Why would he stay in this relationship when he could easily find someone who actually cares about his happiness?
Relationships, even if they involve chastity or d/s, are based on love, trust, respect, and communication. Eliminating any of these elements, or making any of them one-sided, will destroy the relationship.