I’ve seen widely varying opinions on forced feminization. Some see it as hot, some see it as sexist, and for some, it’s an obsession.
To be clear, I’m not talking about truly forcing someone with a gun to his head. I’m talking about the use of force in a bdsm sense.
In the local community, not many couples openly practice it. While I do have some experience with it, it’s not something I talk about locally, even though I’m very open (in the bdsm community) about my other interests and experiences. The main reason for that is that many people in the bdsm community tend to associate forced feminization with pushy, self-centered sissy maid types who are only interested in this one thing. Many women are bombarded on various bdsm sites by messages from these types of people. I’ve been in the local scene for about seven years now, so people know me well. Even the new people know me since I co-host a monthly gateway meeting for people who are new to the scene. So I don’t think they’d be so quick to associate that type of person with me if they found out I occasionally partake in this type of play. Then again, I am pretty pessimistic and misanthropic, so I don’t fully trust people enough to let this information out there. There are a handful of people who know, generally because they’ve also expressed an interest in or experience with this. But mostly I keep it under wraps because of the connotations people automatically assume in relation to this style of play. And I find it a shame that I can’t be more open with it, but that’s slowly changing as the community grows.
In regard to forced fem being sexist, I think it depends on your approach and attitude. With some people, it’s an identity thing. It’s part of who they are. For others, it’s a form of humiliation. For me, it’s not about identity. I’m not genderqueer, transsexual, or a crossdresser. I’m also not the hyper-masculine, arrogant, scratch-your-balls-and-belch type, but I do identify as a hetero man. Forced feminization is about erotic humiliation with me.
If you come to it with the attitude of, “femininity is degrading” or, “it’s a lesser state of being”, then yes, it’s most definitely sexist. Personally, I find femininity beautiful, and I’m much more attracted to feminine women than to butch women. Not the uber-feminine spoiled princess types who are afraid to get their hands dirty though. The humiliation to me comes from the fact that being frilly and feminine isn’t who I am.
The loss of control that I feel also carries a powerful charge. It’s almost a form of forcible erotic identity theft. We interact with the world, among other ways, through our appearance. Having that taken away, being made to take on the appearance or qualities that aren’t my own, has a certain d/s spark to it.
Because of the association with pushy sissy maids as well as the volatile potential for sexist accusations, I have to keep this particular form of play between me and a small group of close friends within the community. That doesn’t prevent me from experiencing it in private scenes though. Maybe this will all change in time, and I’m doing my part to erode peoples’ presuppositions about it.