Not the Way We Planned

A couple weeks ago, Gypsi let me out of the cock cage, which was completely unexpected.  She did this because of something else that happened recently, but I won’t go into that because it’s not my story to tell.  There’s also a lot of chaos and craziness in the local community right now, but it’ll settle eventually. There’s just too much going on (on multiple fronts) for us to be able to keep the t&d fires burning right now, so it was best to unlock me.

While this period of chastity didn’t end the way we thought it would, it was still a good run.  Two and a half months is by far the longest she’s ever denied my orgasms.  That was a wild ride.  It provided an opportunity to see how we’d react mentally and emotionally to that long of a denial.  This was also a chance to see how my piercings would do under long-term lockup.  I’ve had minor issues with irritation in the past, but I was using q-tips for cleaning back then; now, I have a cleaning kit that really helps.  No problems with that at all this time around.  The cleaning kit is a winner.

So for now, we’ll keep dealing with the highs and lows that life brings.

Elucidation on Humiliation

I see erotic humiliation as a form of edgeplay.  While it may not be physically dangerous, there can be emotional dangers involved.  Some people have certain triggers (which they may or may not know about) that could be problematic during humiliation.  A certain level of trust and knowledge of each other is paramount.  Without this, the dom can stomp around randomly in the sub’s head; when you do that, you’re bound to squish something.  For that reason, humiliation usually isn’t a good idea between people who’ve just met.  But with someone you know well, it can be intense, rewarding, and incredibly sexy.  Humiliation can also have some delicious d/s undertones.

Humiliation is much more personal and individually tailored than many other things we do in bdsm.  It has to be a very individual thing in order to be effective and to avoid hitting any emotional landmines.  It’s not uncommon for one person to hear about a certain form of humiliation and think, “wow, that’s hot!” while another thinks, “um, yeah, what’s the appeal here?”, even if both are into humiliation in general.  There are plenty of flavors of humiliation out there, and everyone has their own tastes.

The question of private vs. public humiliation comes up often.  Humiliation in private can be intimate and intense.  I cherish my memories of private humiliation.  This can add tons of spice (and cheek redness) to any scene.  With private humiliation, there’s no need to worry about certain things being offensive to those watching the scene, as you would at a public play party or dungeon.

But with public humiliation, other factors come into play.  Who’s witnessing the humiliation?  Obviously, it shouldn’t be done anywhere there are kids or people who are likely to be disturbed by watching it.  Conversely, areas where there are younger adults, like an adult business district with bars and strip clubs, are more fertile public humiliation grounds.  Even though those watching may be buzzed from drinking, it’s still important not to go overboard.  Things like face-spitting, foot-kissing, or ass-kissing won’t offend many.  But loud verbal humiliation, repeated slaps, or an overly dramatic display of humiliation might provoke a well-meaning bystander to intervene.

With my friends (other bdsmers) I don’t consider being made to kneel and kiss Gypsi’s feet to be humiliating.  But in a more public environment, it would most definitely be.  And it’s still mild enough that people could ignore it or easily see that it’s not abuse.  It’s simply one person having the power to make another person’s face red.

People often see mild forms of public humiliation as just fooling around or harmless prodding.  For example, a while back, Gypsi took me shopping.  We went to some lingerie stores.  Inside, she’d hold up certain items to my body, in plain view of certain customers and employees.  Occasionally she’d mention how something would look cute on me in a normal voice, which was loud enough for those in the immediate area to hear.  There were quite a few looks of amusement, and others were happy to ignore us.  For all they know, she was just joking.  Even though those witnessing this humiliation didn’t think much of it, I was nearly mortified.  I reeeeeally wanted to leave.  My brain was screaming, “NOOOOOO GET ME OUT OF HERE!  STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!”, and yet I had an achingly hard cock most of the time.  (She mentioned wanting to go on another shopping trip sometime when the stores are more crowded.  That makes me incredibly nervous.)

Private vs. public doesn’t have to be a black-or-white choice either.  Private scenes can have as many or as few witnesses as you like, so this straddles the line between private and public.  There are people watching, so technically it’s public humiliation, but it’s a more controlled environment than a completely public scene.

What makes erotic humiliation erotic varies greatly from one person to the next.  It’s really no different than musical tastes or personal taste in food.  In differentiating erotic humiliation from non-erotic humiliation, what it comes down to is simply this: Is it sexy?  Is it being done because it’s “amusing” or because it turns you on?  Is it entertainment, or do you get off on it?

I Think, Therefore I am Misanthropic.

I’ve been thinking about thinking.

People surround themselves with noise. Everywhere you go, there has to be music. At the store, in the car, at work, at any business, at home, or out with friends. Music or noise of some sort. They go to social events, the louder the better. If it’s not loud, it’s not considered to be as fun as a loud event. People are afraid of silence. It makes them uncomfortable. They see silence as a negative thing.

At first I thought it might simply be that peoples’ attention spans are getting shorter, and so they grow bored easier. That’s probably true to some extent, but I feel like there’s more to it. One of the benefits of silence is that it invites introspection and thought. It helps you see yourself and your situation more clearly when you just sit and think for an extended time. I think that’s the real reason a lot of people avoid silence. Many of them are afraid of what they find in silence. They don’t like having that mirror held up in front of them, so they try to cover the mirror by distracting themselves as often as possible. They distract themselves with noise, with music, with electronic devices. If they don’t like what they see when they see themselves, instead of fixing or changing what’s in the mirror, they find it easier to lose themselves in noise and distractions. The noise blocks out their own thoughts and insights, keeping them from those nasty uncomfortable self-assessing thoughts.

Even at home, people crank up the volume on the TV much higher than necessary.  Is their hearing really that bad, or is there some other factor at work here?  There’s no major noise outside, so what are they trying to drown out?

Introspection isn’t always easy. It can be unsettling. Since people tend to avoid discomfort whenever possible, they hide from themselves. When you’re distracted, all your problems momentarily disappear. Rather than covering those problems with an ever-larger sheet, isn’t it better to work on them and eliminate the ones you can? If silence is painful or leaves you uncomfortable, maybe you should consider that a red flag.

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Some miscellaneous miscellany of miscellaneousness:

This coming Sunday will be two months since Gypsi allowed me my last orgasm. I never thought I’d say that. It’s kind of surreal. The horniness is coming in waves now. A strong wave started last night and hasn’t let up. I’ve been clawing at the cage and attempting to fuck my hands even though I know it won’t do any good.

Unfortunately, she’ll be out of state for the next few days, so the two-month kinkathon will have to wait until Tuesday.

We’ve been getting together once a week to play (we live an hour apart) which is helping tremendously. Before, we didn’t have anything regularly scheduled like that, so that made things more difficult. Being locked up and unable to see each other was tough, and it also effectively diminished any progress we made with the t&d. This time around, it’s much better.

Last Saturday at the local dungeon, she caned me. Hard. Normally, any marks she gives me, no matter how heavy they are at the time, are gone within a day. This time, the marks lasted two days, as did some pain when I sat down. That’s extremely rare since I apparently have a magically regenerating ass. She gave me a rather brutal beating, and while I reeeeally wanted her to stop, it was incredibly hot. Afterward, some of the other subs there were asking me how I took that much, and one of them even said she wanted to come over and pat me on the head during the scene.

We’ve been adding to the arsenal, tossing back and forth ideas for new things to do. We’ve talked about new (to us) forms of humiliation, piss play, d/s, breath play, and bondage, among others. We’ve been trying quite a few new things (see my posts from the past few months for examples.) We’ve also been talking about trying lots of other things, but I’m not sure when any of that will be. This adds to the anticipation. I don’t know when she’ll strike, so all I can do is wait.

And while I’m waiting, my mind sometimes races. I think about what we’ve talked about doing and what we’ve done in the past. Certain scenes we’ve done keep jumping into my head and firmly lodging themselves there, as do thoughts of these newer forms of play with her. This is likely to get even more frustrating.