My Head is Making Too Much Noise

A few friends have been trying to get me to go with them to various bdsm events held in cities about 2-3 hours away.  Some of these are events or groups that I’d been wanting to check out for a while, so it’s probably time.  There’s also a new femdom group that started up in one of those cities, and they have munches and parties.  It may be worth a look, especially since I’ve heard some very positive things so far.  It could prove to be fun.

I’m still doing vanilla dating as well, but there’s something I can’t get out of my head lately.  I went out recently with someone who turned out to be mostly looking for casual sex.  Casual sex isn’t something I do very often though; I’ve got to be in the right mood for it.  So nothing happened with her that night.  What struck me is that in talking with her throughout the night, it became clear that her confidence and self-image relied on how much attention and/or sex she could get from men.  If she wasn’t getting that attention, she felt worthless and isolated; if she did get that attention, she felt good……temporarily.  It seemed like she was trying to fill a larger need with something fleeting and meaningless.  We all feel more confident when we get lots of attention, but to wholly rely on that attention for your entire sense of self-worth seems like setting yourself up for disappointment. It really made me think.  From where do we draw our confidence?  What makes us feel like worthwhile and valuable people?  It’s given me a lot to reflect on.  Do I rely on being loved to feel confident?  Or being valued as a friend?  On being trustworthy, passionate, or giving?  Where do I draw confidence from, and is it coming from the right place?

2 Responses to “My Head is Making Too Much Noise”

  1. Elle Says:

    “It seemed like she was trying to fill a larger need with something fleeting and meaningless.”

    Sounds like it’s absolutely what she was doing. I don’t think you can be happy for very long if you rely on others for your own feelings of self-worth. It is as if you take your feelings and hand them to someone else to take care of them. “Here, fix this.” or “Here, make me feel good.” In my experience, it’s not always easy to realize that’s what you’re doing. It takes time. Introspection. Some people get it right away, some people got it with the way they were raised. It’s something I’m struggling with a little, not exactly like that girl was, but a different form of it. Probably what my bf calls dependence.

    It seems to me like you have a very lucid vision of it all, so I doubt you rely on such things to feel good about yourself 🙂

  2. pureliquidkink Says:

    I don’t rely on others to feed my self-confidence, no. But this experience made me wonder from where exactly I draw my sense of worth. I haven’t yet found an easy answer to that.

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