It’s not uncommon to hear people talking about a certain type of of play as a limit, then a few seconds later, express that it’d be really hot to try it.  News flash, suppository-breath: If you’re willing to do it, it’s not a limit.

Limits are things I won’t do under any circumstances, regardless of the amount of persuasion or time taken.  If someone tries to push those limits (whether it’s quickly or slowly) it shows a lack of respect toward the other person, and it erodes trust.  It can also be incredibly risky, both to the sub’s mental well-being and to the relationship.

Some people use “limit” as synonymous with “I’m not very excited about this” or “I’m not real comfortable with this.”  That’s not a limit.  That kind of thing can be carefully pushed.  Some people call this a soft limit, as opposed to the no-way-will-that-ever-happen hard limit.

I realize that limits can change over time.  Things that were limits can become doable, and things that weren’t limits before can become limits.  It’s happened to me and to plenty of other people I know.  Still, I see attempting to violate genuine limits as very disrespectful, and in some cases, potentially harmful.  It’s very possible to push someone hard without coming close to breaching real limits.

A Preponderance of Pointless Paradigms

It’s pretty common to hear people in the femdom crowd talk about paradigms.  Some see themselves as a queen and a knight, an Amazon and her captive, a princess and her servant, etc.  Why the reliance on fictional imagery?  (Yes, royalty and knights did and do exist, but the reality is nothing like the storybook version they draw on.)

This all comes across as an elaborate role-play.  Why not just be yourself?  If you want to add in some role-playing now and then, go for it.  But to seriously identify with a fictional persona on a 24/7 basis strikes me as delusional.

It makes me wonder why this is so widespread in femdom yet nearly nonexistent in the maledom community.  Why do the majority of those in male-dominant relationships not feel the need to relate to people who have nothing to do with their lives?