It’s not uncommon to hear people talking about a certain type of of play as a limit, then a few seconds later, express that it’d be really hot to try it.  News flash, suppository-breath: If you’re willing to do it, it’s not a limit.

Limits are things I won’t do under any circumstances, regardless of the amount of persuasion or time taken.  If someone tries to push those limits (whether it’s quickly or slowly) it shows a lack of respect toward the other person, and it erodes trust.  It can also be incredibly risky, both to the sub’s mental well-being and to the relationship.

Some people use “limit” as synonymous with “I’m not very excited about this” or “I’m not real comfortable with this.”  That’s not a limit.  That kind of thing can be carefully pushed.  Some people call this a soft limit, as opposed to the no-way-will-that-ever-happen hard limit.

I realize that limits can change over time.  Things that were limits can become doable, and things that weren’t limits before can become limits.  It’s happened to me and to plenty of other people I know.  Still, I see attempting to violate genuine limits as very disrespectful, and in some cases, potentially harmful.  It’s very possible to push someone hard without coming close to breaching real limits.

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