Struggling with d/s

I often see bdsm being framed up as a struggle.  It doesn’t have to be.  People make things much harder than necessary.

Just let it flow.  It doesn’t need to be difficult or unpleasant.  When bdsm is a component of your relationship, it’s because you’re both into it.  As long as you’re both getting your needs met, what’s the problem?  Talk, figure out where you both want things to go, then do it.  Pretty straightforward .

Sometimes self-proclaimed “natural submissives” talk about how d/s is such a struggle for them.  They struggle with themselves, they struggle with their chosen rules, they struggle with their own desires.  If you’re naturally very submissive (as they claim to be) then submitting shouldn’t be nearly that hard.

Obviously the d/s nature of the relationship won’t remove the difficulties and struggles that all relationships sometimes contain.  There will still be problems, mistakes, and conflict.  But these things have nothing to do with submission; it’s up to both people to work on a solution, whether it’s a d/s relationship or a vanilla one.  Submission will not solve real relationship problems.
Things run so much more smoothly when you let bdsm cause joy rather than making it into a struggle or a challenge.  Let it run at a pace that feels right for the two of you.  It should flow naturally; there’s no need to force it.  If bdsm causes stress and displeasure rather than happiness, something’s wrong.

Why not just relax and enjoy it?

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: . 3 Comments »

3 Responses to “Struggling with d/s”

  1. silentblood Says:

    What a great post! 🙂

    My wife and I struggle with many aspects of our relationship. We are both competitive and seek to out do each other regardless of our roles. It often leads tp arguments and us feeling really weird…:-( We both love the D/s part of our relationship but we often argue over silly games. She’ll get mad at me for winning at chess or something like that and we’ll argue about it. Biut in the end… it does end in quite a bit of fun ;-p

  2. His girl Says:

    I agree so whole-heartedly with this post! No relationship is without “work”. But there shouldn’t be SUCH a struggle! I find that my world flows so perfectly, the more I submit.
    And my situation is more complicated than most…

  3. Hedone Says:


    Yeah, I never understood the “struggle” thing.


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