Strength and Submission

Frequently,  submissive men (especially those newer to d/s) stumble with strength and masculinity.  Many I’ve talked with have had trouble balancing these traits with their submission.

In our society, there is constant pressure on men to be overly aggressive, arrogant, sexual conquistadors.  Anything less and we’re looked down on or even openly ridiculed.  This indoctrination starts from an early age, and it’s difficult (but not impossible) to break oneself of this way of thinking.  After years or decades of dealing with this, is it any wonder that some men struggle with their submissive desires?

Even in some bdsm groups, submissive men are looked down on as being somehow “less” than the other members of the community.  All this goes on while members of the community pat themselves on the back for being open-minded and accepting.  Thankfully not all groups are like this.

Part of the problem stems from people equating submission with weakness.  They don’t think it’s possible for a strong person to submit.  It’s an old fallacy that refuses to be thrown out.

Submission is a valuable thing.  It’s not something I give to just anyone.  Yet it’s not uncommon to see guys online throwing their submission at anyone who’ll take it.  If you don’t appreciate your submission, why would anyone else?  Realizing the importance and value of your submission  is vital.  Do you think Mistress Right would like to have a spineless worm on a leash?  Or would she rather have a solid, confident lion on the end of that tether?  There’s a graceful air about the thought of a lion, capable of tearing off heads, on a leash and gently going where she leads him.

Being submissive doesn’t mean we can abdicate our responsibilities in the relationship.  It doesn’t mean the domme will take over our obligations and decisions.  We still have to own those and deal with whatever comes our way.  We still have to have our lives in order.  Both people have weight to pull in the relationship as well as in their own lives.

You can be a man and still kneel at a woman’s feet.  No one is going to revoke your man card for it.  Your penis will not fall off overnight.  You can kiss her feet and still hold your head high.  You can continue be the man that the world already knows.  Submission does not contradict your masculinity or strength in any way.  Make it yours.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: . 2 Comments »

2 Responses to “Strength and Submission”

  1. Quietlisten Says:

    Bravo! Very well put.

    I’ve learned to just say I’m “kinky” or a “fetishist.” People almost always “fill in the gap” with the standard model. That standard model here in The South is almost exclusively male dominant, female submissive. It takes time to find the people with truly open minds, and I focus my attention on them, that understanding community-within-the-community.

    As an aside, dominant women face a similar hurdle in reverse. My understanding is that they are under a constant barrage by “dominant” men (actually insecure men) to be submissive and by “submissive” men (actually selfish men who are insecure in a slightly different way) to be fetish objects. The intersection of heart-felt male submission with genuine female leadership/domination is a rare and beautiful thing.

    I really appreciate you writing about your experiences with it here. It gives those of us who are looking for it hope that it’s worth the effort.

    Again, great post.


  2. Shadowlady Says:

    Both you and Quietlisten are right. It is a warped world, we are not accepting in our accepting ways Kind of an oxymoron. Plus you are quite right Very few female dominants are interested in the worm game. They want a submissive, but also feel special. If submissiveness is so easily given than what is it’s value?

    Most submissive men I have met are very capable men, some of them are not so strong and their submission can been seen as a way of avoiding responsibility (not sexy).
    I have also met some dominant men that could not fight their way out of a wet paper bag in RL.
    Submissive females have their own share of labeling to deal with. One of my best friends is a female submissive, but she is also a strong capable career woman. She is finding that quite a few male dominants can’t understand that

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