I was reading a discussion online about a book, and people were giving their reviews of it. It was a book on femdom relationships. One thing people kept pointing out about this book is how they enjoyed the fact that the author pushed a certain idea: that d/s is about what the sub/slave can do for the domme, not about what the domme can do to/with the sub. Apparently these people had run-ins with those who thought d/s was about nothing more than beatings and sex.
My question is, why can’t it be both? Most people I know in d/s relationships have a solid balance of both elements. It’s a relationship. As such, both people do nice things for each other. The sub acquiesces to the domme’s will in non-play ways, but there is still play, kink, and pervocity in the relationship. Play and d/s do not have to be mutually exclusive. You can have a relationship with both. In fact, I’d argue that most successful d/s relationships have lots of both.
And the play is mutually beneficial. I get tired of hearing people proclaim that play is something that only the sub wants. Both people are getting something out of it, although that “something” can vary. Individual acts may or may not be enjoyable for the sub, though they can deepen the d/s or provide catharsis. Even if he’s genuinely pleading for her to stop. They myth that dommes don’t enjoy playing is usually spread by those who desire some form of payment for playing. In the real world, women can be just as pervy as men. There are sadistic women out there who take genuine joy from beating a sub, humiliating him, making him do disgusting things, pushing his limits, and various other forms of pervery. Unfortunately, the voices of the vocal minority are much more prevalent.