I was reading a discussion online about a book, and people were giving their reviews of it.  It was a book on femdom relationships.  One thing people kept pointing out about this book is how they enjoyed the fact that the author pushed a certain idea: that d/s is about what the sub/slave can do for the domme, not about what the domme can do to/with the sub.  Apparently these people had run-ins with those who thought d/s was about nothing more than beatings and sex.

My question is, why can’t it be both?  Most people I know in d/s relationships have a solid balance of both elements.  It’s a relationship.  As such, both people do nice things for each other.  The sub acquiesces to the domme’s will  in non-play ways, but there is still play, kink, and pervocity in the relationship.  Play and d/s do not have to be mutually exclusive.  You can have a relationship with both.  In fact, I’d argue that most successful d/s relationships have lots of both.

And the play is mutually beneficial.  I get tired of hearing people proclaim that play is something that only the sub wants.  Both people are getting something out of it, although that “something” can vary.  Individual acts may or may not be enjoyable for the sub, though they can deepen the d/s or provide catharsis.  Even if he’s genuinely pleading for her to stop.  They myth that dommes don’t enjoy playing is usually spread by those who desire some form of payment for playing.  In the real world, women can be just as pervy as men.  There are sadistic women out there who take genuine joy from beating a sub, humiliating him, making him do disgusting things, pushing his limits, and various other forms of pervery.  Unfortunately, the voices of the vocal minority are much more prevalent.

This Demo Tastes Funny

Over the past couple years, I’ve noticed that fewer and fewer workshops/demos pique my interest.  I still go to plenty of them, but I go mainly for the social aspect.

One reason is that oftentimes the presenters pad the demos.  If they have half an hours’ worth of material, they sometimes try to fill a 45-60-minute time slot.  This leads to lots of fluff and bland material.  I realize that my standards are probably rising over time, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like the presenters are trying.

Also, when I’m curious about something, I research it.  I read.  I talk to people who do it.  I try it out.  I don’t sit around for years and wait, hoping that eventually someone will do a workshop on it.  I seek out those who have knowledge and I squeeze it out of their heads.  It makes no sense to me to wait around.  Gather information, then try it.  If it really doesn’t work for you, don’t do it anymore.  If you get something out of it, add it to your regular repertoire.  When there’s something potentially hot or fun in store, why wait?  Set it up and do it.  You’re only depriving yourself of pleasure by waiting.

As a side note, lots of presenters seem to be continually trying to top each other.  They want to get edgier, more extreme.  Things that were taboo a few years back are now common and even trendy.  Piss play, cutting, breath play, and needles all come to mind.  If you spoke of any of these five years ago (at least in the local community) most people would react with distaste at best.  A few would secretly admit in private that they were into or curious about them.  It makes me wonder what kinds of topics the demos will be covering in another 5-10 years.

Fresh Sliced Sub, $4.99/lb.

Last night, T and I went to a demo which was followed by a private party.  There were quite a few people I hadn’t seen in a while, so that felt wonderful.  And there was cake.  Fantastic, creamy, strawberry-and-chocolate cake.

T took me to the dungeon area and had me strip.  She was admittedly feeling more sadistic than normal, and it showed.  Lots of ball-kicking, face slapping, ball-kicking, biting, ball-kicking, scratching, and ball-kicking.  Ow.  It was a bit warm in the dungeon though, and I can’t take as much pain in the heat for some reason.  It’s always been that way.  Still, she made me hurt.  And she carved me up quite nicely using knives and her fingernails:

Afterward, she brought me over to a spanking bench and caned me, followed by paddling.  She reddened my ass rather thoroughly. This morning, I noticed a semi-faint yellowish bruise over my left eye.  I could tell people I got in a barfight if anyone asks, though I really doubt anyone will notice.  Or simply say it was friendly fire.

We got quite a few compliments on the scene, and some people were irritated that they missed it.  That’s always a wonderful compliment.