Dominance *and* Submission, Dominance *or* Submission

The internet makes people dumb.

And no, the fact that I’m posting that on the internet isn’t lost on me.

Comparing the popular definitions of what constitutes a d/s relationship, there’s a world of difference between what people think online and what people think in the local bdsm community.  Online, there are plenty of proponents of proactive submission without dominance.  The sub does everything in his power to make the domme’s life easier or more comfortable.  She just sits back and communicates her desires.  Communicating without ever taking control is not dominance.  This is what I would call an “s” relationship.  Not d/s, but just “s”, because there is no “d” going on. “Dominate” is not a passive word.

The other version of d/s pitched online consists of the domme constantly forcing the sub do do what she wants.  The sub always resists and must then be broken and made to comply.  This is a “d” relationship.  The “s” simply isn’t there since the sub continually fights back and goes against what the domme wants. Resistance might work well occasionally in a scene, but when it’s a constant battle, that relationship is doomed.

Every successful d/s couple I know uses a blend of the two- both dominance and submission.  In a d/s relationship.  What a novel concept.  Whoever is dominant dominates, and whoever is submissive submits.  Seems pretty straightforward, right?

Then why do so many people get attacked online for not being “real” if they prefer a balance of dominance and submission?  If a sub wants a dominant partner who dominates, he’s not a real sub.  And if a domme doesn’t constantly wrestle control from the sub by force, she’s not a real domme.  I wish there were a button to de-dumbify the internet.

2 Responses to “Dominance *and* Submission, Dominance *or* Submission”

  1. Quietlisten Says:

    Waitaminute… are you suggesting that d/s is a cooperative dance where each has something to offer as well as needs to be fulfilled?! That over time, each is better off because they give AND take? That one-sided relationships are unhealthy and unsustainable? That dominance and submission are vehicles to expression of two-way caring and mutually-supporting relationships?

    That’s just crazy talk, Roo-roo!

    But boy-howdy, am I tired of the one-sided mentality and the insane expectations (on both sides of the d/s dance floor) on the internet. That kind of dumb takes practice.

  2. pureliquidkink Says:

    @Quietlisten- Yes, yes, and more yes! My crazy talk makes me happy, so I’m going to stick with it. And your last sentence cracked me up!

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