Dommes frequently complain (justly so) about the number of poorly-written solicitous messages they get from submissive men. This can be especially irritating when she clearly states on her profile that she is in a relationship and not looking. But often those who are single and looking complain about the quality of men who write to them. If you’re approached by 100 men every week and can’t find a single suitable sub, do you think maybe there’s a problem with your technique?
Many dommes take a passive role in finding someone; they expect subs to approach them, then they use their own criteria to filter out those who aren’t a good match. Yet the subs they’re really interested in don’t approach them. Our hypothetical domme sees the elusive quality sub from afar, hoping that he’ll notice her. And he doesn’t. So it’s back to complaining.
If you sit back and don’t make a move, the object of your desire will slip away. If you see someone you want to get to know better, yet you don’t make any effort to make that happen, it’s your own fault. (This is true for most goals in life, but especially so for relationships.) If your competition is taking a more active, aggressive approach and you’re not, you’re likely to lose out.