The Real World Intervenes

Much of the advice some people give is blatantly biased to fit their own prejudices.  For example, if one person in a relationship doesn’t have much of a sex drive, the advice changes with gender. If it’s the man who has low drive, it means he’s either cheating or has a medical or psychological problem.  If it’s the woman who doesn’t have much drive, it’s still the man’s fault;  he’s not doing enough housework or spending enough money on her.

Even among some in the femdom community, there’s still this belief that the man doing more than his share of the housework will magically cause the woman to become a raging nympho.  This is another one of those ideas that’s very popular online but not so much in real life; every d/s couple I know who live together split the housework evenly (barring situations like college, working overtime, sick relatives, etc.)

So if both people are working full-time, there’s a certain amount of housework to be done when they get home.  If he does most of it, she may be free to be sexual, but that won’t do them any good as a couple since he’ll be busy doing housework.  Or there’s the “too tired” excuse: She’s too tired to be sexual after working all day.  But somehow she expects him to work all day, do all of the housework, and still have the energy?  How much rock do you have to smoke before that makes any sense?

If both people start on what needs done at the same time and split it up, they’ll both have free time when it’s over.  Obviously most couples don’t have sex (or scenes) every single day.  But if you can’t handle the responsibilities of being an adult and maintain your relationship, then I would question whether you should even be in one.  And yes, a d/s relationship is a relationship.  As such, it involves compromise and real-world responsibilities.  D/s is not an excuse to say, “I don’t like doing the things that need done in my life, so I’m going to pass my responsibilities off on someone else.”  If that’s what d/s was about, I would most definitely be dominant so that I could live a life of leisure without ever doing anything unpleasant again.

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