Changing Perspective

For about as long as I’ve been in the bdsm community, I’ve had an adverse reaction to the term “slave”.  I realize that it’s used in a different sense than the nonconsensual human-trafficking type slavery, so that’s not the problem.  A conversation with T a while back made me start to think a little deeper as to where that negative connotation comes from.

I eventually came to realize that my aversion to the word came not from the word itself, but from many of  the self-identified slaves I’d interacted with locally and online.  The majority were self-important, pompous fuckbuckets who looked down on “mere” subs.  They often tried to knock subs for not being submissive enough; this was simply a ploy to make themselves look good at the expense of others.  (I also see subs doing the same to bottoms on occasion.)  The desire to look good in front of others is nearly universal, but that kind of behavior is unacceptable.  So I distanced myself from these people, and over time I built a link between people who called themselves slaves and these abhorrent actions.  Once I realized that my problem wasn’t with “slave” but rather with the individuals themselves (regardless of how they identify) that was a big step toward disentangling the two.

Assbags come in all orientations and d/s positions.  It doesn’t matter how someone identifies; what matters is that person’s behavior and how they treat others.

The word “slave” is growing on me, as is the increased level of d/s that comes with it.  It draws me in, pulls me toward it, yet at the same time, it creates a little loopy feeling in my stomach.  I yearn to experience a deeper level of d/s, to fully feel owned.  Not to be a puppet or yes-man, but to be immersed in a higher intensity of d/s dynamics.

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2 Responses to “Changing Perspective”

  1. Stabbity Says:

    ‘Fuckbucket’ is my new favourite word 🙂

    Relating to your actual point, I always used to dislike the word protocol. Practically all of what I’d ever read about protocol was written by people who were *really* in to long lists of very, very precise rules. I just can’t be bothered to memorize lists of slave positions, let alone notice if my partner isn’t doing it just right, so I always thought protocol was boring and for people who take their kink way to seriously. More recently I’ve started hearing about people who made up their own protocols based on what was meaningful to them, which sounds like way more fun than following someone else’s dry list of rules.

  2. pureliquidkink Says:

    That makes sense. I was at a class on protocol a couple months ago, and I was always of your school of thought on protocol. The woman teaching the class, Laura Antoniou, said basically that if a certain action/protocol doesn’t turn you both on, throw it out. Some people just want rules and structure just for structure’s sake, and I don’t understand that at all.

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