Look at Me, I Have a Title!

Titles are everywhere in the bdsm community.  Sir this, Mistress that, slave so-and-so, etc.  I see the value in using titles where there is an established relationship, but what of people who expect everyone to use a title when referring to them or introducing them to someone?  Used in this sense, titles come across as nothing more than pompous self-aggrandizement.

When someone demands to be called by a title by everybody in the bdsm scene, I see insecurity.  I see someone who is seeking attention, approval, and status.  Some view a title as a quick route to these things, a much easier alternative than taking the time to earn them.

Expecting everyone to use a title waters down the meaning.  When you’re being called by a certain title by one person close to you, that title carries much more meaning than if everyone were made to feel obligated to use it.  (This doesn’t hold true when there are verifiable standards that come along with a title, such as Dr., Sergeant, or certified electrician.)  Titles in our community are often self-imposed; this is next to meaningless.  When that title comes from someone you’re in a relationship with, it carries much more meaning than expecting strangers to call you by this title.  That stranger doesn’t know a thing about you, so using that title is nothing more than empty lip service.

If a couple wants to have certain protocols in their relationship, that’s their choice.  But to expect others to follow their protocols is absurd.


One Response to “Look at Me, I Have a Title!”

  1. Quietlisten Says:

    You are soooooo right. It’s the “unearned” aspect that rubs me the wrong way, and you hit the nail on the head that it can be a shortcut for some people. It’s kind of like achieving trimness using a pill, then expecting someone else to pay for the pill.

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