There’s a discrepancy in bdsm that I can’t figure out.
When a submissive man does something nice for his dom, it’s seen as submission. Same thing if it’s a submissive woman doing something for her dom- just a sub submitting. Pretty straightforward so far.
When a dominant man does something nice for his sub, it’s seen as taking care of his property. When a dominant woman does something nice for her sub… it’s heresy. Her sub isn’t really being submissive then. If she’s doing something and making any effort, it means he failed in his submission.
Why can’t dominant women do nice things for submissive men? Why does it not get the same “taking care of my property” vibe that comes attached with the maledom crowd? A dominant woman going out of her way to do something for her sub is often framed up as a reward, if anything; it doesn’t get that automatic “it’s a normal part of the relationship” connotation that typically comes with a dom male doing something for his sub. In talking about a maledom relationship, you get the impression that it’s a relationship, with both people treating each other well. There is still d/s, but there’s also a sense of mutual effort. Yet in many of the femdom groups, it’s much more one-sided. There’s this haughty sense of expectation and entitlement, but often without the sense of responsibility that comes with power.
Femdom relationships are relationships. As such, they entail compromise and effort on both people’s parts. You can’t buy a car and expect it to work for you if you don’t change the oil and tires and keep the gas tank full. Nearly every relationship I know of (in person) works this way. Why the discrepancy when the discussion moves online? In real life, women can be chivalrous too; but online, you’ll be excommunicated if you dare speak the fact that a dominant woman can do sweet things for her sub. Because, as everyone knows, a submissive man who desires bilateral romance is simply not a Real True Submissive™. Instead, he’s branded as needy, selfish, and lazy.
With how many people run their mouths online in favor of one-sided romance, it would seem the bdsm world should be flooded with people who think this way. In reality, it’s rare to run into people like that in the flesh.
Romance is food for relationships. Don’t starve your partner by deciding that they don’t deserve it because of gender or d/s position.