I’ve been following a discussion online which made me question some folks’ sanity.
A new domme was asking if other people thought it rude to message an owned sub. She didn’t want other dommes messaging him at all, for any reason, without going through her first. Though of course there was nothing stated on either of their profiles about this requirement.
My initial thought is that there appears to be a severe lack of trust in that relationship. If she feels the need to monitor all of his communication, she doesn’t trust him. And how can you be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust? Do his actions really require constant supervision? Or is the domme worried that some other domme will message her sub and hypnotize him into leaving that relationship? Does she demand he get permission before speaking to the cashier at the store? Adults should not need micromanaged. If he does require someone to make these decisions for him, that’s a problem. And if she wants to micromanage, that says a lot about her as well.
A sub should be able to handle any requests for play, sex, or anything else that comes up. By the same token, people in vanilla relationships should be able to effectively handle people hitting on them. It’s going to happen, so if someone doesn’t know how to say no, it’s going to create problems. Thinking of repercussions, acting in your partner’s best interest, and being responsible are all part of being an adult. If you can’t do that, do you really deserve that relationship?
Then there’s the issue of expecting other people to adhere to your rules and protocol. Many will simply pass if they see the “message my domme before communicating with me” thing. Not only is it an extra hoop to jump through, it also reeks of psycho. Reasonably, many people want to avoid that drama, so they just won’t message that person then.
Subs and slaves are not children. We can make our own decisions. If you don’t trust someone to handle his own life, how can you trust him with your heart?