Want to start an argument? Just say the phrase “financial domination”. Done.
There are fewer contentious topics in bdsm. However this is yet another area where I see a disconnect between the people I know in the local bdsm community and the people online. In reality, very few people practice any form of financial domination. Online, it’s rampant.
I’m not talking about being in a relationship and spending money on your partner. That’s a totally different situation.
I was recently reminded of just how polarized people are on this issue because of a conversation online. The fact is that most people in the flesh-and-blood bdsm community do not see this as a legitimate fetish/kink/interest. Based on the numbers you see online, munches should be bursting with practitioners of financial domination. Yet they’re not. Just the opposite really.
The resistance against accepting this as a fetish partially stems from there being so many “findommes” who simply take advantage of subs. Yes, the money is given willingly. But the money was often given by someone who hasn’t had much luck in finding a relationship with a dominant woman, and they often think that they’re winning her over. Many of these women string the men along, making them think there is potential for something more……someday. One guy used the phrase “unlocking her heart”. Once the money runs out, you’ll see just how unlocked her heart is. You can’t buy your way into someone’s heart. Especially if it’s someone you’ve never met who lives across the ocean. Will she still be there for you when it’s just the two of you? When no money changes hands?
Does any good ever come of financial domination? Are there any success stories? It’s common to hear about people draining their bank accounts, going through inheritances, or selling some of their possessions in order to send money or “gifts” to someone. And do you think the woman they sent all this money to is going to stick around when it’s over?
Another aspect of my resistance to this comes from the uncertainty of retirement. Most people currently working won’t be able to rely on Social Security and most likely won’t be able to retire at all – ever – unless we have some form of savings and investments. For any type of behavior, it’s generally considered a mental illness if that behavior interferes in a major way with your life. Losing your retirement account definitely interferes with your life. Because of this, I feel that most practitioners of financial dominance (at least among those I’ve talked with) aren’t doing this in a remotely healthy way.