The Big C (No, Not Chimichanga)

Two things have recently become more apparent to me:


  • T let me orgasm two weeks ago.  It was the first orgasm she let me have in three months and a week.  A quarter of a year.  (And it was the longest orgasm I ever remember having!)  It got me thinking.  We’ve been together for 13 months now.  She’s periodically kept my cock in a cage from the start, with varying periods of freedom in between.  (And these seem to be gradually decreasing in length, while the lockups get longer.)  Altogether, she’s had me locked up for probably 3/4 of our relationship.  Prior to our relationship, my experiences with chastity were typically 1-8 weeks on average, followed by a 2-3 months of freedom.  Contrast that to where things are now- increasingly longer periods in chastity with no end in sight (She’s floated the idea of making me go 1-2 years with no orgasm.)
  • She told me fairly recently that at an upcoming event (Winter Wickedness) she’s going to make me eat someone else’s cum.  This is something that’ll be difficult for me and will push me hard.  That said, I think I’d be able to get myself into a frame of mind to accept it, do it once, and get it over with.  But the other day when the subject came up, she got a big smile on her face and said, “Winter Wickedness is just the beginning.”  Gulp.  That’s been bouncing off the inside of my head since she said it.  It’s like in the movies where you can see the person saying something, and the words just keep echoing over and over.

These two have something in common: control.

When we first started seeing each other, she was curious about chastity.  Then when I asked her why it appealed to her, one big part of her response was control.  That was a big draw for her.  She locked my cock up early on, and she has since taken total control of my orgasms.  She’s keeping me locked up for longer, making me desperately hornier, and taking more control than I thought possible for me to give.

With the making-me-eat-other-men’s-cum thing, she’s also taking more control of me than I thought I’d ever be capable of giving up.  This was a limit for me for the longest time.  But now she’s going to make me do it.  Over and over again, apparently.  That requires a high degree of control.  You can’t make me do something that causes me to go “ohfuckno, fuckityfuckfuckfuck” without having firm control.

There are other areas where the control peeks its face in the door as well.  Occasionally when I say something, she’ll remind me that I have no choice in the matter.  Or that she knows I don’t want to do something, but that she’s going to make me do it anyway.  When she does that, it feels like she’s jerking on some internal leash.

She even fully crossdressed me and took me out in public.  I never, ever considered that an option before.  Not even close.  Again, control comes into the picture and suddenly, this intimidating mental image becomes reality.

I never thought I’d go for a level of control that was more intense than what I’d always experienced prior.  I saw no reason to turn the dial up.  But every time she wrenches more control from me, the more submissive I feel towards her.  The more she dominates, the more I feel the drive to submit.  This is where dominance and submission, normally two different things, become intertwined.  My submission feeds off of her dominance.