Stop the Skeezy!

Countless submissive men have asked, both online and in person, how to find a domme who is actually interested in bdsm rather than in their cash.  While there are a lot of pro-dommes out there, if they’re all you’re attracting, it’s time to look at your presentation and approach. Women who enjoy bdsm in real life are out there.  If you’re consistently failing at interacting with them, it’s time to realize this: It’s not them.  It’s you.

First off, take a shower.  Shave.  Put on some clean clothes without holes in them.  Dress like an adult.  That ball cap makes you look like you’re still in high school.

About that cock picture on your profile.  And the other cock picture on your profile.  And the one next to that.  Not the best idea, especially considering you don’t have any other pictures of yourself posted.  If you present this penis as the totality of who you are, people will naturally think you’re a dick.

Likewise, how about writing something in your profile?  “I want to be tied down and gang-raped by women with strap-ons and made to guzzle cum” doesn’t count.  Write about who you are, what you like, and what shapes you as a person.  Do not mention the size of your penis, even if it is exceptionally large.  Don’t forget to use that newfangled spell-check contraption.  It’s automatic in most internet browsers.  Alternately, once upon a time there were these mythical tomes called “dictionaries” in which you could look up the correct spelling of words.  You can even use books and the internet to research the difference between “you’re” and “your”.   “ur” is not a word; using it in your profile makes you appear lazy and uneducated, neither of which are qualities that appeal to Mistress Right.

When you initially talk to a dominant woman, do not lead with, “May I lick your boots?”  This approach is entirely dismissive of all the other facets of who she is.  It’s objectifying.  Objectification can be fun, but there’s that whole “consent” thing.  If she doesn’t consent to being objectified, then don’t do it!

Don’t ignore that conservatively-dressed and soft-spoken woman.  She may be the one to take you places you’d never dreamed of.  Not all dommes wear latex or leather.  Those who do don’t wear it all the time.  They’re not going to come snarl at you to get on your knees.  Before all those things happen, you have to actually get to know each other first.  The first step in this process is to begin what we refer to as a “conversation”.  One that doesn’t involve whipping, boot licking, strap-on sex, or your cock.  Do not say (or imply) that she’s not “real” because she’s not dressed the way you want her to be dressed or acting the way your script says she should act.

STOP CALLING EVERYONE “MISTRESS”!!!!  This is a meaningful title, and when you toss it at anyone with a vagina, you water down the meaning behind it.  Titles are earned.  She is not your Mistress unless you both agree to it.  Stop trying to force her into a role she doesn’t want to be in. If she wants to be this to you, she’ll do it at her own pace.

Take no for an answer.  If she shoots you down, respect the fact that it’s over with that person.  You may be able to start a friendship, but don’t delude yourself into thinking it’ll evolve into something more intimate.  When she says she’s not interested, don’t keep pestering her or trying to convince her to dominate you.  It won’t work.  If you claim to be submissive and interested in doing what she wants you to do, then obey her: leaver her alone when she tells you to.

2 Responses to “Stop the Skeezy!”

  1. J, onesubsmission Says:

    YES! When I was single and on the market for a sub (I’m a switch) I can’t tell you how many off-putting approaches I got from male subs who broke those basic principles you just set out. It basically boiled down to one intolerable thing: they’d come barrelling in stating what their needs and wants were, seemingly oblivious that I was a person, and seemingly disinterested in getting to know me, beyond knowing that I was a woman who might let people kneel in front of her.

    It’s funny: I think it’s easier to forget on the internet that it’s *rude* to objectify people without their permission. It makes me smirk when I imagine the reaction people would get if they did this to someone in person (restraining order, anyone?)

    Thanks for writing this. I hope lots of hopeful-but-misguided subs read it and mend their ways.


  2. Victoria Vista Says:

    Love the wisdom ….. 🙂 ~ Vista

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